March/April 2000
Journey to Forgiveness
by Cathy Sheridan
| "To feel bitterness is too heavy for me." |
It was a firestorm of napalm captured on film and an image frozen in time. Some believe this photo of naked nine-year-old Kim and other helpless children fleeing their village of Trang Bang was a turning point in the Vietnam War. The story behind this photo that touched the world is of the private battles of Kim on her journey to forgiveness.
Ten thousand miles away and a quarter of a century later, she has emigrated to Canada and today lives near Toronto. Kim recently spoke to a group of 500 women in Calgary, relating her amazing and heartwarming story.
Nine-year-old Phan Thi Kim Phuc was huddled with her family and other villagers inside the temple pagoda in the small South Vietnamese village of Trang Bang. "I'm scared, Mommy," she cried. They could hear the sound of approaching planes. Her six brothers and sisters and father felt safe in their holy place, never thinking it would be bombed.
The men who dropped four bombs on them believed it was a bunker. Those organizing the strike had been misinformed that the village was "clear." The miscommunication resulted in the death and injury of many innocent people.
Associated Press Photographer Nick Ut captured the unfolding tragedy on film. Children and villagers were running in all directions amidst the deafening sound of falling bombs releasing canisters of napalm and producing incredible fireballs and blistering clouds of smoke.
Kim was running away when the napalm landed behind her. The jellified gasoline, designed to stick to and incinerate anything it touches, splashed onto Kim's back. Her thin cotton clothes disappeared and she was engulfed in smoke, heat and fire that peeled away the skin from her back and left arm. Terrified, she kept running down the road screaming, "Too hot! Too hot! Please help!"
Horrified, Nick Ut and English journalist Chris Wayne poured water on her, trying to give her some relief. She fainted and was rushed to a nearby hospital. Few thought she could survive the third degree burns covering half her body.
After 14 months and 17 skin-graft operations in a Saigon Hospital, Kim went home to her mother's loving care. Her left arm was virtually useless, and her hand was closed like a claw. The grafts on her shoulders were so tight she couldn't turn her head. The hot sun felt like sharp knives. Her mother massaged and exercised her arm until she could use it again. After a shower she would sob and cry saying, "No one will marry me because I'm so ugly!"
Kim's name means "golden happiness." Even though in great pain, she seemed to find something to be smiling about as she grew up. Kim often dreamed of becoming a doctor.
In 1986, she was sent to Cuba to study Spanish and pharmacology. There she met Bui Huy Toan, who loved her despite her scars. Six years later they were married. She held within her a secret dream--to be free. After a honeymoon in Moscow, their plane refueled in Gander, Newfoundland. They decided against reboarding, informing immigration officers of their desire to stay in Canada.
Before leaving Vietnam, Kim became a Christian. She attended a church in Saigon. Reading the teachings of Jesus, she learned the importance of forgiveness. "To feel bitterness is too heavy for me," she thought. Her faith gave her hope, peace and inner healing.
Kim and Toan now have two sons. She speaks at personal appearances and has made a video of her story. A final act of reconciliation happened almost 25 years after her tragedy. On Veterans Day at the U.S. Vietnam Memorial she met John Plummer, a helicopter pilot who had helped plan the bombings on her village. For many years he felt personally responsible for what happened. She opened her arms and hugged him, saying, "I forgive you. It's okay." A burden of guilt was lifted from him.
Kim's presence is still able to reawaken the conscience of a nation. "Remember the tragedy of war only to change. We cannot change history. Please don't fight!" Her messages offer hope and reconciliation for all.
Nick Ut's Pulitzer Prize-winning photo captures the suffering of the innocent children in war, as Kim along with her brother and cousins ran down the road. Even today it remains a symbol, and was nominated for the photo of the century.
Whenever I see this picture of Kim I will remember a remarkable woman. Her voice was soft and kind as she tearfully described her tragedy. As I listened carefully to the description of her terrible story, Kim's words were not filled with bitterness and regret.
Talking with Kim afterward she said, "Forgiveness is a conscious choice we all make in this life." Her heartache has turned to healing. The pain in the famous photo will haunt us forever, yet today Kim is able to smile easily and find a reason to hope for a better tomorrow. Her experiences have contributed to the kind and gentle person she is.
This is more than a story of the Vietnam War. We all go through "wars"--life is sometimes a difficult journey, battling "enemies." Like Kim, we may be left with pain and scars to bear. Situations, people, friends, even our church may have caused us personal pain in the past. What will we do? We, like Kim, have a choice--to forgive, extend grace and become better rather than bitter! May our soul's deepest need be satisfied at the Savior's feet. Let us choose the higher road of golden happiness. Let's never forget Kim's story.
Cathy Sheridan is a pastor's wife who writes from Canada.