July/August 2001

Don't Get Caught in the Net

by Leslie Armstrong

It's 7 p.m. in a small American town. A group of seven to ten individuals file into a rented room in the local church. They sit down on folded chairs, drinking coffee from white styrofoam cups. After the 12 steps are read, the first participant speaks up. "Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm an Internet junkie. I'm obsessed with cyberspace. I can't get enough. Because of my addiction, I've lost everything...."

Sound sort of, well, unrealistic? Not according to Alcoholics Anonymous, who is considering setting up a separate division of their organization to work with people addicted to browsing the Internet.

Known as Internet vampires, because they emerge from their computers at dawn, many cyberspace travelers appear unable to control the amount of time they spend on their computers, bringing a suitcase of concern to the world of addiction.

While Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks glorified a computer love-affair (while they had other live-in partners), in the box-office smash hit, You've Got Mail,Internet affairs are becoming more and more common. Their partners, commonly known as cyber-widows, often Internet illiterate and oblivious to what is often going on in their own home, seldom, if ever, find out.

It isn't just the endless pornography sites and chat rooms that have addiction specialists raising an eyebrow. It is the increasing tolerance of long on-line hours, withdrawal and unsuccessful efforts to control Internet use which are all characteristics of what some professionals call Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD).

IAD is said to be a broad term covering a wide variety of behavior and impulsive-control problems which includes:

· Cybersexual Addiction: Addiction to adult chat rooms or cyberporn.

· Cyber-relationship Addiction: On-line friendships made in chat rooms or cyberporn.

· Net Compulsions: Compulsive gambling, day-trading or auction shopping.

· Information Overload: Compulsive web or database surfing.

· Computer Addictions: Compulsive game playing or programming.

Some Americans have become so addicted they spend up to 18 hours a day on-line, racking up large phone bills and ignoring their work and family. Though there is a debate on whether it is an addiction in need of psychiatric remedy, cyberspace has certainly disrupted the lives of many people.

According to Dr. Kimberly S. Young, Clinical Psychologist and Assistant Professor of Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford, and founder of The Center for On-Line Addiction (COLA), Internet Addiction is a much more powerful tool than television and radio because it's interactive, anonymous and unregulated. "While strip districts have regulations, the Internet doesn't," reports Young.

Although COLA was the first private, non-profit behavioral healthcare firm to specialize in Internet related conditions and has done extensive research, the largest study of Internet Addiction done to date surveyed 17,251 people and was conducted by ABC News and psychologist David Greenfield. This study found that almost 6 percent, or more than 11 million users, suffer from some form of Internet Addiction.

Dr. Young began her research in 1994, when a friend's marriage was going to end due to her husband's addiction to chat rooms. Her reports indicate that the demographics for individuals who are addicted range from teens to seniors, with addictions varying from sexualized behavior, on-line shopping, excessive gambling, to interactive games and chat rooms.

"Anything done to excess causes direct problems and is going to impact people financially, spiritually and emotionally. The Internet is instantaneous, and increases the risk of addictive behavior," Dr. Young reports. But not everyone looks at the Internet as potentially harmful. Newsweek calls the Internet an "indelible feature of modern life." Could this indelible feature be the moral straw that breaks the back of a downward spiral America is already experiencing?

COLA reports that over 70 percent of those diagnosed with IAD (specifically in the area of sexualized behavior), have never had a problem with sexual issues prior to going on-line. This, however, does not discourage the millions of people who have Internet or cyber affairs.

"A lot of people don't consider cyber-sex cheating," reports Young. "They rationalize that because it's not physically touching someone, it's not sex. But it does take away emotional and physical components from the primary relationship."

Churches are beginning to speak out. The Roman Catholic church recently came out with a statement concluding that cyber-sex is indeed cheating on the marital partner. Pastors are being bombarded with spouses seeking help for the addiction. Christian counseling agencies are providing IAD counseling.

What Makes the Internet So Alluring?

Dr. Young offers her ACE Model for understanding:

· Anonymity: Ever heard the expression, You're only as sick as your secrets? Such is the case with IAD. The addicted individual doesn't have to worry about his/her spouse finding magazines hidden under beds or in closets. There are no 1-800 numbers that show up on phone bills, and no chance that someone from church will see them leaving an adult bookstore. It's between the user and the receiver on the other end. A computer illiterate spouse will seldom discover what their spouse is doing on-line.

· Convenience: In your own home you have the accessibility of the world at your fingertips. With a few finger strokes of keys, you can experience romance, sex, games, adult books and more within the walls of your home. There is no need to leave your livingroom, change your clothes, fix your hair or spend money on expensive dates to romance someone.

"Men who normally would not rent an adult movie will download pictures of women. Women who would never think of talking sexy, find themselves in sexual relationships on-line. Accessibility is a problem," reports Dr. Young.

· Escape: "If the individual is having a bad day, they may find relief by getting on the Internet," reports Young. Some addicted individuals perceive the Internet as a tranquilizer, others as an adrenaline rush. Even more so, you can be anything or anyone you want on-line. You can weigh 45 pounds less, (even if you don't), be single (even when you're not) and have no children, (even if you do). You can live out a fantasy. "The psychological impact seduces you," according to Young.

For those of us not addicted to the Internet, it seems appalling that one would leave their spouse after having a cyber-affair with someone they've never seen in person, yet it happens daily in the cyber-world. While the media glorifies and promotes single people who have met and married via the internet, it often neglects to mention the thousands of families torn apart due to its effect.

The Demographics of Internet Addicts

Throw out the visions of the shy, computer nerd with glasses, a pen protector and polyester pants. Reports indicate that the majority of Internet addicts seem to be successful and outgoing.

However, in her book, Caught in the Net, Dr. Young states that 54 percent of Internet addicts report a prior history of depression, another 34 percent suffered from anxiety and others display chronic low self-esteem. Fifty-two percent of her survey respondents, self-diagnosed addicts, admitted they were following a recovery program for alcoholism, chemical dependency, compulsive gambling or chronic overeating.

For women, the struggle is spending excessive amounts of money at auction houses, seeking friendship or romance or in presenting themselves honestly in chat rooms.

Dr. Young sees a correlation between women, depression and the Internet. "Women who already suffer from depression have problems with interpersonal relationships, have a higher need for approval and have a fear of rejection from others. They can go on the Internet with complete acceptance and unconditional love from other on-line users. If they are having a bad day, the depression is temporarily lifted."

For men, the struggle is power and dominance through sexualized behavior, interactive games, day trading or sexually explicit chat rooms and cyber-porn.

Through cyber-affairs, the man experiences the excitement of being the cat chasing the mouse -- possibly something he no longer experiences with his wife of several years. He is challenged by the unknown and desires to acquire the prize -- the forbidden apple.

Sneaking away to the computer late at night while their spouse is sleeping has replaced the rendezvous on a business trip. They find themselves saying and doing things they would never share with their spouse or pastor.

Children are equally at risk. According to research by Jupiter Communications, kids and teens are the two largest growth sectors on the Internet. Latch-key kids, due to lack of parental presence, or kids whose parents lack control or have neglected to set boundaries for their child's Internet use, are said to be most at risk. Some kids know more about the Internet than their parents. For the first time, children are the authority in the computer literate relationship.

Dr. Young tells a story of a mother who suspected her 15-year-old daughter was spending too much time on the Internet. When she watched the interaction on the Internet from an adjoining room, she was shocked to find her daughter having cyber-sex with 30 to 40-year-old men, giving them her phone number, address and picture. Without supervision, the Internet is not a safe place for children, warns Young. "Children are exposed to pedofiles, pornography and can explore their own sexuality on the Internet."

College students are said to be most susceptible to becoming cyber addicts. Young adults away from home for the first time often struggle with depression, home-sickness and are faced with having to make a new set of friends. With a no-cost connection to the Internet through their college library, the results are often poor grades, flunking out of school and returning home as failures.

"The Internet is penetrating the American home as fast as television did in the 1950s. The more people on line, the more problems we are going to have. We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg," warns Young.

How to Safeguard Use

· Awareness: Becoming aware of the problems that can develop is a good start. If you currently suspect that you, your partner or your child spends too much time on-line, talk to them about it. If it continues to be a concern, seek professional help.

· Filtering Software: Filtering software that denies your computer access to pornography sites, as well as other questionable places, can be a safeguard.

· Monitor your use as well as the use of your children. When there are secrets, demands of privacy and suspicious behavior, check into it. Limit time on the Internet for all family members, including yourself.

Therapy

The part of the country you live in will determine the accessibility of IAD counseling. "Internet addiction has now gained credibility among mental-health professionals as a clinically significant disorder which negatively impacts social, occupational, family and financial functioning," states Young.

There is an array of professional services available for those who struggle with cyber addiction. Like any addiction, treatment begins with the realization that you have a problem, then seeking God and biblical counsel to work through it.

Unlike Alcoholics Anonymous, which encourages their clients never to grace the doors of a bar or liquor store again, COLA offers virtual clinics where one can receive counseling on-line through e-mail or chat rooms. They also offer telephone counseling. Many counseling firms across the nation are adding IAD counseling as a speciality program.

Dr. Young believes the Internet is a productive tool when used properly and encourages balance between life activities and Internet use. "Treatment is not necessarily an absence model, but moderation, similar to food addiction." 

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