July/August 2002
The Most Neglected Commandment
by Victor Parachin
Recently, a woman attended a funeral and, upon returning home, promptly wrote a letter to advice columnist, "Dear Abby" (Abigail Van Buren). At the funeral, "I was shocked at some of the clothes worn and the lack of respect shown," she wrote. A few years earlier, her brother died, she explained, "and one of my cousins wore a dress in such a bright color it hurt my eyes to look at it. She also wore a ring on every finger," the woman added. She concluded her letter to Dear Abby with a ten-point list of how to dress, act and speak properly at a funeral.
While her list of dos and don'ts may be helpful, of greater concern is the woman's response to the people at the funeral. The critical spirit with which she viewed them is disturbing and questionable. Rather than simply attend a funeral and provide support to grievers, the woman is judgmental. Her conduct is contrary to this direct and explicit teaching of Jesus: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:1, 3).
In spite of the clear and unambiguous teaching of Christ on this subject, the biblical scholar William Barclay sadly notes: "The strange fact is that there is hardly any commandment of Jesus which is more consistently broken and neglected."
| "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." |
Here are four reasons Jesus prohibits judgmental attitudes and what he expects from followers:
· We never have all the facts.
Responding to the woman who wrote her, Dear Abby gently chastised her by sharing an experience out of her own life. When Abigail Van Buren was in her 20s, a male friend was tragically injured in an accident. His injuries were massive and irreversible. For days his life hung in the balance before he died. The day before the young man's funeral, Abby spoke to his girlfriend and asked if she would like to ride to the service with her. "When she arrived at my home, she was wearing a bright orange mini-dress. Of course, when we arrived at the chapel for the service, every head turned in her direction and there were more than a few raised eyebrows."
Upon seeing the stares, the grieving girlfriend turned to Abby with tears in her eyes, saying: "I know they're looking at me because of what I'm wearing," she whispered. "I'm wearing this dress because Doug always loved to see me in it. It was his favorite." Abigail Van Buren concluded with this sentence: "After that, I stopped forming judgments and paid more attention to what was in their hearts."
· Our judgments are often superficial.
So often, judgments are made about others based on appearances. This, too, is contrary to the teaching of Jesus who said: "Stop judging by mere appearances" (John 7:24).
Euripides, the ancient Greek writer, made the same point saying: "Judge a tree from its fruit; not from the leaves." Superficial judgments result in a distorted view of an individual. A woman was engaged to a man whom her family liked very much. The parents of the bride-to-be hosted an engagement party in their home and invited all their relatives and friends. The young man had recently been discharged from the Army and had no money. Therefore, there was no engagement ring.
At the party, two guests, in critical and judgmental tones, said to the mother: "We don't see a diamond ring on your daughter's finger." The mother smiled and called the young man from across the room. When he came over, she said to the critical guests: "This is our jewel." They were happily married for more than 45 years. The man was quite successful in his profession. The family proudly notes that his wife received more diamonds and material things than most other wives.
· The more we judge, the less we love.
This is the greatest danger of a judgmental spirit. If we allow a critical, negative, judgmental spirit to grow, it will choke out love, kindness and mercy. When this tendency is unchallenged, we run the risk of becoming not only unkind, but even cruel. As a result, we cause others to suffer.
Percy Ross is well-known as the millionaire newspaper columnist who wrote a syndicated column called, "Thanks a Million." For 17 years, he used that column to give away his wealth -- $30 million. Ross grew up the son of poor Jewish immigrants from Latvia and Russia. At the age of six, he began working with his struggling, junk-dealer father to help keep coal in the family furnace through brutal winters in Michigan. "The Salvation Army would come over with warm food," he recalls. "You feel embarrassed, but you appreciate the help."
When he was nine, Ross learned there was a job opening for a boy to shine shoes at an exclusive, private club in the community. The position paid a nickel for each pair of shoes shined. He decided to apply, so his mother dressed him up in his best clothes. Even his father dressed up before taking him there in his horse-drawn junk wagon. The young man was very nervous as the club came into view -- an imposing, yet elegant facility. With high hopes, he knocked at the door. The door opened and a well-dressed man peered down at him. He didn't invite Ross in but just asked what he wanted. "My name is Percy Ross, and I've heard you need someone to shine shoes." To which the man coolly replied, "We don't need boys like you." He slammed the door shut.
"The words hit me like a ton of bricks," Ross recalls. "Dazed, I walked back to the horse and wagon. My father was so quiet, so very quiet. I didn't know what to think at the time. Why was I turned away? Maybe it was because I was Jewish. Maybe it was because I was from the other side of the tracks. Painted in large letters
on the side of my father's wagon were the words: WM. ROSS -- JUNK DEALER. I remember I cried all the way home. I have gotten over many disappointments, rebuffs and injuries in my life, but the wound I received that day still hurts."
· Rather than judgmentalism, Jesus calls for generosity of heart.
The instruction of Jesus on judgmental attitudes is not only a negative lesson. The clear implication of his teaching is a positive one. Jesus calls his followers to have open, accepting, magnanimous hearts. We are to be generous in thoughts, words, assessments and actions. "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful," he says in Luke 6:36. And in John's gospel, Jesus tells us: "Love one another" (John 13:34).
Rather than seeing the worst in others, those who follow Jesus are called to see the best. One who encountered a generous heart was Joyce Wilbourn. She wanted to be a nurse from the time she was three years old. She has been a nurse for more than 30 years, but the going was tough -- especially at the beginning. Ms. Wilbourn lived with a foster family, and talk of attending college was not encouraged.
She grew up on a farm in upstate New York and worked very hard as a child. "Sometimes, I felt like the hired help," she remembers. Nevertheless, she was valedictorian of her graduating class but found herself in a real dilemma, since she had no money to continue her education and no family to turn to for help. God gave her an optimistic disposition so she applied to several colleges and nursing schools. Despite the fact that she got two offers for scholarships, she still needed additional funds.
In her town there was a jewelry store. It occurred to Ms. Wilbourn that a jeweler made good money. So, at 17, she took her report cards and valedictory picture from the paper and walked into the store. "I asked Mr. Roberts, the owner, if he would loan me $2,000 to become a nurse." The jeweler was surprised, as that was a lot of money in 1957. Politely, he looked at the report cards, the photo and at Joyce Wilbourn's hopeful face.
Before going into the store, Ms. Wilbourn "prayed for days before getting up the nerveand continued to pray while waiting for his answer. He was quiet for several minutes, and I was getting extremely nervous," she remembers. Finally he spoke, explaining that his own daughter had gotten in with the wrong crowd, took drugs and had dropped out of school. Yes, he would loan her the money in memory of his own daughter as long as Ms. Wilbourn sent him grades and kept an "A" average. She entered nursing school and had no difficulty maintaining an "A" average. She paid back the loan three years after graduating and went on to further study at Columbia University.
Christ wants more people like Mr. Roberts. The people of God are those who soften their judgment and widen their mercy.
Victor Parachin and his family live in Oklahoma.