July/August 2002

Pedophilia
Assault on Innocence

by Barbara Curtis

We'd rather not see it. If somehow -- as a turned rock reveals the more repulsive side of life -- we are forced to confront adults' unspeakable crimes against children, we'd just as soon contain the damage. Why dig up any more?

And yet, this year's Roman Catholic scandals -- which have the hierarchy and the faithful reeling -- cry out for more. The entire body of Christ must face the facts, unflinching. We must equip our children, churches and communities to deal with the reality of pedophilia.

How can we cling to ignorance or denial? Our children are in peril. We must leave no stone unturned as we learn how to properly protect them.

God grant us courage and wisdom!

First, Some Facts To Face

Who is sexually abused?

See those baseball fans cheering for their team, those parents watching a ballet recital, those people worshiping on Sunday? Many of them were sexually abused before their eighteenth birthdays. Maybe you were one of them.

Exact statistics are difficult to come by. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources reported nearly 95,000 cases of child sexual abuse in 1999. But it is generally agreed among academic experts and public agencies that only 10 percent of actual incidents are reported.

According to the FBI, 61 percent of rape victims are under age 18, 29 percent under age 11. Girls are twice as likely as boys to become victims -- one in three girls are sexually abused, one in six boys. Previous victims and children of previous victims are at greater risk of abuse.

Every child is more at risk than most adults realize.

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse is the exploitation of someone under 18 by an adult seeking sexual gratification. Pedophilia is sometimes defined more narrowly as abuse of children under 12.

Child sexual abuse includes non-physical acts such as exhibitionism, voyeurism and showing pornography to a child. Physical sexual abuse can be non-violent or violent, running the gamut from fondling to violent rape.

It's important to note that the impact of a particular event on a particular child cannot be determined by a scale based on the nature of the act. As one survivor -- feeling judged as having less of a trauma to deal with than others -- put it, "Satan can take something very big and make it seem very small. And he can take something small and make it look very big."

Who sexually abuses children?

Pedophiles are not often strangers: 45 percent of reported cases involve someone the child knows -- a next-door neighbor, babysitter, relative, coach. Another 40 percent involve a parent. In cases involving girls, 95 percent of the offenders are male; in cases involving boys, 80 percent of the offenders are male.

The "dirty old man" stereotype is unrealistic; most child molesters begin acting on their impulses before 30. Once they start, they rarely stop. They are rarely prosecuted or convicted. Although their psychology is well-documented, they are difficult to treat and their recidivism rates are high.

The Internet has given a boost to the pedophile community, enabling these very sick individuals to find and validate each other, swapping support, news, seduction strategies, "success stories" and porn. Yahoo even has a subdivision in its directory under the category Sexuality: boylove. Here you'll find the Boy Love International Support Society (get the acronym?) and North American Boy Love Association, as well as a newsgroup "dedicated to bringing a sense of support and understanding for adult males who feel attracted to boys on a number of levels."

Regardless of their inner workings, pedophiles look like everyone else. They come from all social, economic, ethnic and religious groups. They may be husbands and fathers. Some are leaders in their communities. Some are leaders in their churches

How does it happen?

Child molesters typically occupy a position of authority and/or work hard to build a relationship of trust with their victims. Some seek out children at risk -- children without fathers or children with inattentive, preoccupied parents. They take personal interest in the children they choose, lending a sympathetic ear, taking them places, giving them gifts (online pedophiles, who share techniques and success stories over the Internet, call this strategy "grooming"). Once a trusting relationship is built, a predator may use pornography to break down a child's inhibitions. Typically, he will make a small overture or proposition which catches the trusting child off-guard.

"He took me everywhere," one forty-ish man remembers of the beginning of a three-year predatory relationship between himself as a 12-year-old boy and his parish priest. "He seemed to understand me when my parents did not. I trusted him. He took advantage of my trust. One day he said, 'Take a shower with me and I can teach you some things about your body.' He was a kind and loving person -- if he picked you out of a crowd, you had to feel honored."

Where Are Children Safe?

Simply put, children are not safe anywhere. Ironically, the very places and activities created especially to meet their needs can harbor adults more interested in meeting their own.

The fact is, child molesters want to be around children -- therefore they often are. As coaches, teachers, counselors, pastors they have access to children, the trust of parents -- plus the very nature of their position as trusted leaders makes it more easy to seduce their victims.

While this doesn't mean that every youth pastor or soccer coach is a potential pedophile, it does mean that their professional status is certainly no guarantee that parents can afford to let down their guard when it comes to allowing special access to their children.

Parents worry about being overprotective, but usually they are too trusting -- and so throughout communities large and small, news stories abound of formerly well-respected instructors and coaches facing allegations of molestation and misconduct.

The Church Could Use a Checkup, Too

Righteousness like filthy rags.

There are no studies available comparing the rate of pedophilia within the church and without. After all, you can't take a survey asking "Do you now or have you ever sexually abused a child?" and expect to get authentic results.

Still, there is no reason to assume children are safer in the church than anywhere else.

Consider the incidence of child sexual abuse among the clergy, for which there is much anecdotal evidence. Plug the words "pastor" and "child molestation" in an Internet search engine and you'll come up with no shortage of news reports on pastors charged and convicted from California to Maine.

You don't have to look too closely to find problems in every denomination -- from mainline to fundamentalist, evangelical to

Pentecostal: A South Carolina Baptist minister sentenced to 60 years in prison for sexually abusing 23 children; a New Hampshire

Assemblies of God youth pastor charged with child molestation; a California Lutheran senior pastor in jail for molesting two brothers, ages eleven and nine.

Evidently, belief in the Bible and trust in the Savior are not enough to keep pastors free from the sin of pedophilia. And despite critics' clamor that celibacy is the root of all Catholic priestly evil, marriage and children have not prevented a plethora of Protestant pastors from using their trusted position as a springboard into the hearts of the innocent.

It is on behalf of those innocents that we must take a hard look at our own churches. Childhood sexual abuse is not exclusive to nor in all likelihood more prevalent in the Catholic church than in any other.

In fact, some cultural observers -- Leon Podles for example, in Touchstone magazine -- are suggesting that the Catholic church's problem actually has more to do with homosexuality than with pedophilia, since almost all the reported cases involve teenage boys rather than girls or prepubescents. Research indicates that homosexual predators molest children at ten times the rate of heterosexual predators. But to frame this discussion as a competition in righteousness is to forget what it is really all about -- the innocent. We must start at the top to make our churches safer for them.

Just as the Catholic church is at long last demonstrating repentance -- by firing accused priests, toughening reporting policies and cooperating with law enforcement officials -- Protestant churches must also stop rallying around accused pastors, and instead put the welfare of the victim before the welfare of the "the Lord's anointed."

The church must hold pedophile pastors completely accountable, entertaining no excuses of "consensual relations" or "seductive spirit" or even "spiritual attack." As James reminds us, those in the church who presume to teach must be judged by even stricter standards.

Mercy before justice, James also reminds us. But let's think first of mercy for the victim, who may be stalked by spiritual confusion and damaged for life.

Many victims face a second round of abuse in the criminal justice system, where there often seems more concern for the defendant's rights and reputation than for the victim's. Let that not be an evil perpetrated by the church.

Sounding the Alarm.

"Sex abuse thrives in secrecy," according to Denis Ventriglia, an attorney who has handled nearly 100 cases of sexual abuse of children in North and South Carolina. "Removing that secrecy gives other victims the confidence to come forward, to support fellow victims and to try to prevent it from happening to other children."

Ironically, with all the reports of childhood sexual abuse raining down around us, I see great hope springing up. Those things which have been locked for so long in secrecy, darkness and despair are now coming into the light.

Yes, for children, the world is -- perhaps now more than ever -- a dangerous place. Yet knowing how on the brink we are may motivate parents and all who love children to do more to keep them safe. Feeling shame as the sins of the church are exposed and nonbelievers find more reason to scorn us for our faith should rouse us to demand more accountability from our leaders and work harder to clean up the church's act.

Opening salvos for battles to come.

There couldn't be a more crucial time. The church needs to free itself from the shackles of its own sin in order to face what very well might be the next cultural battle looming on the horizon -- the normalization of pedophilia.

If this sounds farfetched, consider:

Thirty years ago, homosexuality was considered a mental disorder, a shameful aberration, a taboo. Now it's a "lifestyle choice." The process of normalization of homosexuality began with the American Psychological Association (APA) and other academic venues.

Fast forward to 1998, and the publication in the APA's leading journal of an article maintaining that sex between an adult and child is not necessarily harmful and may, in fact, be a positive experience for the child. The authors insist that, "Classifying a behavior as abuse simply because it is generally viewed as immoral or defined as illegal is problematic." Since psychology is a science, it should avoid judgmental language, therefore the terms "child abuse," "molestation" and "victim" should be replaced by the more neutral term "adult-child sex."

And just last April, MSNBC led a story thus: "A month before its publication, a provocative book about children's sexuality is being denounced by conservatives as evil and prompting angry calls for action against the University of Minnesota Press."

The "provocative" new book is Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Kids From Sex. Author Judith Levine, who had adult/child sex as a minor, says, "Teens often seek out sex with older peoplean older person makes them feel sexy and grown-up, protected and special." Levine has no children of her own.

Ironically, this gives me hope.

For could it be that as the stakes increase, as the onslaught against the innocence of our children gains momentum -- could it be that part of God's plan might be to let the light shine fully first on the church's own sin and shame, that having faced the evil within we will be better prepared to fight the evil without?

Let us leave no stone unturned, but bravely do what must be done. 

California resident, Barbara Curtis and her husband, Tripp, have 12 children.

Red Alerts Behavior Changes in an Abused Child Fear of a person or of certain places (e.g. public restrooms) Regressive behaviors, such as thumb sucking Precocious sexual behavior or play Nightmares, bed-wetting, irrational fears Withdrawal, isolation

What Churches Can Do to Keep Kids Safe Make children's safety top priority. Adopt a screening process for Sunday School and youth workers. Avoid solo counselors and teachers; two-chaperone minimum for kids' events. Offer prevention workshops for employees and church members. Require criminal background checks for anyone who works with children. Encourage members to take suspicions to pastor or lay leaders.   Further Resources Hear Their Cries: Religious Responses to Child Abuse (video) and Bless Our Children; Preventing Sexual Abuse (video), Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, 2400 N 45th Street, Suite 10, Seattle, WA 98103, www.cpsdv.org/Store/child%20abuse%20resources.htm Safe Sanctuaries: Reducing the Risk of Child Abuse in the Church, Discipleship Resources, P.O. Box 840, Nashville, TN 37202-0840 or www.discipleshipresources.org Surely Heed Their Cry: A Presbyterian Guide to Child Abuse Prevention, Intervention and Healing, Presbyterian Distribution Management Service at 1-800-524-2612, DMS #257-93-010. Keeping Children Safe at Church, Insight for Living's Tools for Living, www.insight.org/tfl/article_child_abuse.htm

Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse Defensive strategies: Know where your children are, what they are doing and who they are with. Don't assume church events are safe. Check out chaperones-better yet, offer to chaperone. Monitor your children's online activities; have an effective filter in place. Ask lots of questions. Trust your instincts. Listen to your child, take his fears seriously. Proactive approach: Visit www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/7836/predator.html-this has everything you need to know to prepare. Talk to your child honestly about the problem of pedophilia and how to protect themselves.

What To Do If Your Child Is Sexually Abused Believe your child. Children rarely lie about being abused. Remain calm. Avoid anger or blame. Reassure your child of your love. Seek treatment from a sensitive, trained physician. Call the police if your family can handle the aftermath -- weighing further trauma against the need to protect other children. Encourage your child to talk freely. Some children have been exposed to graphic threats to keep them quiet about their abuse. Be extra cautious: a child once victimized is more likely to be abused again.

Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse Face These Problems as Adults Feelings of guilt, depression and isolation Difficulty trusting others and/or trusting the wrong people Drug and alcohol dependency, promiscuity Self-destructive behavior, suicide attempts Difficulty expressing anger appropriately Sexual problems, nightmares, sleep disorders Psycho-somatic illness, anxiety attacks, eating disorders

A Survivor's Story I was an eight year old in pigtails when dread became my constant companion. Could I get through this bath without him cracking the door to stare as I scrambled to hide myself with a washcloth? Would I make it through the day without him pulling me onto his lap and shoving his big, rough hands in my pants? "You'd better never tell," he'd whisper. And I was confused because these were words we children whispered to each other, not something an adult had ever said to me. They usually meant a friendly secret, but this didn't seem like a friendly secret. It was dark and desperate and scary. I was living in a foster home with my brothers and two other kids. Now I realize all of us were being abused, but we never spoke of it. Now I realize that something inside me shut down, like an emotional thermostat -- the only way for someone helpless to cope. I didn't repress the memories, I just stopped growing emotionally. I have never seen a picture of me smiling between the ages of 8 and 16. Later, I seized "freedom" through promiscuity, drugs and alcohol -- typical of the one in four women who have suffered sexual abuse. In the meantime, the part of me that desperately craved health and goodness found expression in my becoming a mother and teacher. Good and evil were always at war within me. On my own, I could not have made the good prevail. But I found the Savior. With his help, I have made peace with my past. Beyond healing the hurts, he showed me how even the ugliest moments -- once placed in his hands -- become the stuff of which a beautiful life can be made. My message to Christians still struggling with childhood abuse issues is this: The things that happened to us were evil indeed. After a year of abuse by the father, I was raped by his teenage son -- probably a victim himself. Without the Lord, the evil goes on and on. My younger brother eventually became a convicted pedophile. What made the difference? As Martin Luther said, "For whoever believes, everything is beneficial and nothing is harmful. For those who do not believe, everything is harmful and nothing is beneficial."  -- Barbara Curtis

Apologists for Pedophilia? Back in 1981, an astute writer at Time magazine (that would be me) noticed that pro-pedophilia arguments were catching on among some sex researchers and counselors. Larry Constantine, a Massachusetts family therapist and sex-book writer, said children "have the right to express themselves sexually, which means that they may or may not have contact with people older than themselves." Wardell Pomeroy, co-author of the original Kinsey reports, said incest "can sometimes be beneficial." There were more. My article caused some commotion, so budding apologists for child molesters' lib ran for cover. Since then, frank endorsements of adult-child sex have become rare. But pro-pedophilia rationalizations of the early '80s are still in play. Among them: Children are sexual beings with the right to pick their partners; the quality of relationships, not age, determines the value of sex; most pedophiles are gentle and harmless; the damage of pedophilia comes mostly from the shocked horror communicated by parents, not from the sex itself. For example, take the controversy over the new sex book Harmful to Minors: the Perils of Protecting Children from Sex. The mini-uproar comes from the fact that the author, a journalist named Judith Levine, recycles some of the old arguments that play down the dangers of pedophilia. Levine says pedophiles are rare and often harmless. The real danger, she thinks, is not the pedophile but parents and parental figures who project their fears and their own lust for young flesh onto the mythically dangerous child molester. One section carries the headline "The Enemy Is Us." Levine opposes incest and adult-child sex that involves authorities with power over kids. That would seem to include predatory priests, but Levine thought this was a good time to endorse some priest-boy sex. She told the Newhouse papers that "yes, conceivably, absolutely" a boy's sexual relationship with a priest could be positive. Harmful to Minors is a classic example of how disorder in the intellectual world leaks into the popular culture. In this case, I think the leakage comes from the Rind study, which caused a national furor after it appeared in 1998 in the Psychological Bulletin, a publication of the American Psychological Association. The study's conclusion that child sex abuse "does not cause intense harm on a pervasive basis" was the highest-level endorsement yet of the no-harm rationalization for child sexual abuse. Understandably, the Rind study is the new bible of pedophiles and their groups. The study also called for a sweeping change in language used to discuss child sexual abuse -- a term the study rejected as judgmental. This delighted the pedophile movement, which favors terms like "intergenerational intimacy." The major point about the Rind study is not whether it was intellectually shoddy (though I think it was), but that it shifted the national discussion several degrees toward the normalization of pedophilia. It will take a great deal more to convince the American people that tots have the right to select adult sex partners. But the terrain has been changed. Instead of virtually all Americans vs. the pedophiles, the Rind team invited us to see it as scientific and fair-minded people who believe in openness and dialogue vs. meddling, anti-scientific, right-wing moralists. It invites the left and the center to view anti-pedophilia traditionalists as the real problem, just as Levine says "the enemy is us," not pedophiles. Intellectually respectable pedophilia? What's next?  JOHN LEO © 2002 by John Leo for U.S. News and World Report. -- John Leo

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