July/August 2003

Nice Christian Girl Becomes Alcoholic

by Marianne Engels

Jayme stood in the doorway and watched his mother pour another drink. She put the glass to her mouth, drank the clear liquid and reached for the bottle again.

"Mommy, does Daddy call you an alcoholic because you drink that stuff?"

Alcoholic. The word sticks in your throat and carries a stigma with it that clings like glue. Yet, whether rich, poor, young, old or in-between, more than five million American women today are alcoholics, and the number continues to climb.

"But how did a nice girl like me become an alcoholic?" That's a question more and more Christian women are asking themselves each day.

The Guilt and Shame of Addiction

Alcoholism is the habitual and compulsive use of alcoholic beverages. It destroys self-confidence and self-esteem more than any other illness, and once you start down its lonely road, it becomes harder and harder to stop. Family, work, church, spiritual life and physical and mental well-being no longer take priority. Once the addiction takes over, everything except that drink becomes secondary; no matter how one tries to control the dependency, it can't be done alone.

Why doesn't God answer my prayers? Why am I so nervous? Why doesn't anyone understand? Why do people think I want to get drunk? Maybe I'm no good. I can't seem to help myself, and God isn't answering my prayers. These and other thoughts plague her constantly. As she drinks more and more, her shame leads to secret drinking, and guilt is piled on guilt. What is her answer?

According to Ernest Noble, M.D., Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcoholism is not a question of morals and manners, though it certainly affects both. "Alcoholism has been associated too long with moral weakness. It's just not that simple. Alcoholism involves many factors. Some are environment, peer pressure, cultural attitudes, genetic or biochemical predisposition, alcoholic parents. Unfortunately, we cannot yet accurately predict if one will become an alcoholic, although we do know anyone can become addicted if he or she continues to drink long enough."

The Christian woman suffers deeply as she gradually recognizes her addiction. Before the true fact of her dependence, she will likely practice many kinds of denial. She may blame everyday pressures, loneliness, life's apparent meaninglessness, the empty house because the children are grown and gone. "After all," she reasons, "who wouldn't drink with these problems?" The misery of this sick and desperate woman is compounded as she wrestles with these excuses and the added burden of her guilt: "I know it's wrong to be drunk."

Fortunately, social attitudes toward women have changed, but women with drinking problems are still more sheltered than men because of their role in society. Husbands and children try to protect her while the illness only progresses further before treatment is sought. Years ago, the only recognized alcoholic was thought to be a derelict without any responsible role in society. Today, a Christian woman who is an alcoholic can "hide" in her home, "protected" by a co-dependent family who think they are helping her.

But the only real hope lies in accepting the fact that you are an alcoholic. Once a woman admits that she is an alcoholic, she can can come to know that her God loves and forgives, and that others care enough to help. The first step has been taken on that long road to recovery and control.

But it is rarely a step which can be taken alone. Breaking that dependency hinges on sharing the problem with others who can help. It can be the step of a lifetime.

Your pastor or doctor will be able to direct you toward help; if not, call Alcoholics Anonymous or your local hospital.

As a Christian woman who has the disease of alcoholism, I know loneliness, devastation, the deep despair of remorse and the loss of self-worth. After nine years of sobriety, I've a closer relationship with my family and my Lord than ever before. With Jesus, seemingly impossible circumstances can be turned into a rich and satisfying life. 

Marianne Engels is a homemaker and a free-lance writer in the Cleveland, Ohio, area.

Are You an Alcoholic? To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can. 1. Do you lose time from work due to your drinking? 2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? 3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people? 4. Is drinking affecting your reputation? 5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? 6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your drinking? 7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking? 8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare? 9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking? 10 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? 11. Do you want a drink the next morning? 12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? 13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking? 14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business? 15. Do you drink to escape from worries or troubles? 16. Do you drink alone? 17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of your drinking? 18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking? 19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence? 20. Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of drinking? If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic. If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic. If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic. (The above test questions are used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland, in deciding whether or not a patient is alcoholic.)

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