Jul/Aug 2004

Things I Thought I Knew...

In my 30s, although I knew God, taught the Scriptures, pastored churches and counseled people, I didn’t really know what I thought I knew. I wish someone had explained these things to me. It has taken me a long time to learn.

That God is God, and I am not. I thought that if I worked hard enough and was an effective change agent, I would make a difference in my world. I did not take into account that “Everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him” (Ecclesiastes 3:14). Work hard? Yes, I still do. Pray?
Absolutely. But think that everything is up to me? Not any more.

That the church is bigger than my view of it. In my 30s, I thought that I was on the cutting edge. Now there is the danger that I may think my 30s way is still creative and progressive. It isn’t. People, methods, forms of worship keep changing. My style of proclaiming the message, my way of “doing” church, my take on theology, is not ordained of God. The One who said “I the Lord do not change’ (Malachi 3:6), is also the dynamic One who said, “I will build my church” (Matthew 16:18). That’s what he is doing.

That people are influenced by more than me and my ideas. They are influenced by all of society, even by their own genetic makeup. Anything can be filtered one way by one person and another way by some other person. Jesus said the Holy Spirit “will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13). God’s Spirit will do what he came to do. That relieves me of a lot of pressure and responsibility.

That there are things I cannot control. I can’t control national and international politics (though I vote), world economics (though I invest and save), changes in technology (though I try to keep up). In my 30s, I wrote my first book on a manual typewriter, earned a master’s degree in journalism when nearly everyone read a daily newspaper and counseled students who were protesting war and the military. Change happens. “You do not even know what will happen tomorrow” (James 4:14). That’s true. I adjust to change, but I don’t control it.

That immoral influences do harm people. I once thought that individuals could discern for themselves what influence films, television, other forms of entertainment had on them. Jesus warned, “If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:23). I’ve seen the cumulative effect of darkness on people who never thought that it would have a lasting impact on them. A wise person recognizes darkness and stays in the light.

That forming good habits makes a difference. When I was a young Christian, I started a daily prayer and Bible reading program that has never stopped. Such habits form strong cords that hold. I have discovered that “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts” (Psalm 119:45). I am liberated by my habit.

That “I love you” is far more important than correction and nagging. As a young father, I tended to be a discipline giver. Now I see that children read attitudes and actions far more than they respond to words. I always believed that children are a gift from God. But I also knew that Jesus warned, “Children will rebel against their parents” (Matthew 10:21). Real love isn’t shown through lectures. I know that now.

That growing in love with my wife really is greater with each passing year. A man totally in love on his honeymoon can be even more totally in love 40 years later because his capacity to love increases. Life shared together builds love in ways that men who take their wives for granted or dabble in multiple relationships never experience. I know that because sad men tell me so. When God said, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18), he already knew what deep love was still ahead.

That before God I am responsible for me. I will stand before God and give an account for me, nobody else. I will be held accountable for what goes on in my thoughts, my inner person and my moments alone. “For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:14). What I once knew as a concept in my mind, I now see worked out in hurting lives. People become what they do and what they think about. I’ve lived long enough to see it happen. I wish someone had shown me some examples then.

That worry, though I still do it, is a denial of trust. Sleepless nights, fretting, anxiety, an upset stomach, tell me that I still think that I am in charge. I can see now that Jesus was right, I haven’t added one cubit to my height. I’m learning to be proactive rather than reactive and to “Cast all [my] anxiety on him” (1 Peter 5:7). That’s what he has always wanted me to do. I haven’t fully learned that—even now.
When I was in my 30s would I have listened if someone had showed me these things? I don’t know, but I wish someone had tried. I needed a mentor then. Maybe I can be a mentor now.

Roger Palms was the editor of Decision Magazine for 25 years.

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