May/June 2004
COMMENTARY
Ten Things Jesus Didn’t Say
by Greg Albrecht| Some people seem to have the idea that Christian evangelism consists of telling non-Christians about the odd and bizarre things Christians say and do. |
We were having coffee. My friend looked uncomfortable,
like he was on the verge of either talking about religion or scheduling
an appointment to have his prostate checked. He shifted his weight in
his chair, cleared his throat and then he coughed up what was on his
mind. “I have some other Christian friends —but they talk
funny.” When I asked him what he meant by “talk funny” I
discovered that he had been exposed to Christian jargon, or what some
call “evangelicalese.”
I told him that I have it on good authority that Jesus didn’t talk
like that. He sat back in his chair, stopped coughing and generally looked
relieved.
That conversation caused me to stop and think. Since we Christians want
to tell others about what we believe, why do we insist on using “funny” language?
Not so long ago another friend of mine told me about some Christians
who were praying for the horrible plague of AIDS in Africa. Except “praying
for” was not the way they described prayer—this group was “erecting
prayer shields.”
I told this friend that if I was on an airplane seated next to someone
who started talking about erecting prayer shields, I would quickly put
on my headset and turn my attention to the in-flight movie. If someone
tells me that they are erecting prayer shields, I think of odd little
hats (Monty Python’s “Ministry of Funny Hats” comes
to mind) made of aluminum foil deflecting alien radio waves.
Some people seem to have the idea that Christian evangelism consists
of telling non-Christians about the odd and bizarre things Christians
say and do. They seem to think that non-Christians will be intrigued
and come to church to see strange people wearing silly hats and “talking
funny.” But they don’t come, do they? Ever wonder why?
The average person today struggles with lots of weird and strange stuff.
They are overwhelmed with technology. They are still trying to download
a file someone sent them on e-mail, they are frustrated with all of the
conveniences their cell phone offers and they have given up trying to
set the time on their microwave. The average person just wants to talk
to someone whom they can understand.
Jesus did not leave the average person clueless and in the dark. He spoke
in the lingua franca, the ordinary marketplace
language of his day. Jesus did not have to hand out a glossary of terminology
that would help people understand what he was trying to say.
With that in mind, allow me to present the top ten things Jesus did not
say:
10) Jesus did not talk about erecting prayer shields. No funny tin
foil hats for Jesus.
9) Jesus did not share his testimony with the person seated next
to him on the bus.
8) For that matter, Jesus did not witness to anyone either. He managed
to proclaim the kingdom of heaven without witnessing.
7) Jesus did not feel that any of the disciples were more anointed
than the rest.
6) Jesus did not tell his disciples that he had a burden on his
heart.
5) Jesus did not have a word of prophesy about the Rapture.
4) Jesus’ disciples were not worried about being left behind.
3) Jesus never caused the disciples to be slain in the spirit.
2) When Jesus instructed the disciples about prayer, he did not
tell them to pray a prayer of positive confession.
AND, the number one thing that Jesus never said and never wore on his
t-shirt or on a bracelet,
1) WWJD.
What’s that? You don’t agree with me? How dare you question
me? I know Jesus didn’t say any of this stuff, because God told
me. Not only that, but God told me, “Tell them to stop talking
funny.”
—
Greg Albrecht