January/February Plain Truth
Grown-ups in Toyland [The 'Never Enough' World]
by R. Ruth Barton
When my husband and I were first married and living in a small apartment, I thought that if we could just buy a house I would be satisfied. Several years later, we did get our house and even though it was a modest, three-bedroom ranch in need of decorating and repair, it felt so good to have space! And to walk out our front door into a grassy yard rather than a dank hallway seemed like heaven on earth. For the privilege of owning a home, I could live with peeling paint, yellow and green wallpaper, and an outdated kitchen.
Or could I?
It didn't take long for me to realize that I'm not that easily satisfied. Oh, I was fine as long as the first flush of purchasing excitement lasted, but pretty soon, desire began to overtake me again. If we could just replace the shag carpeting, if we could just get rid of the avocado appliances, if we could just remodel the kitchen...then I'd be satisfied.
Well, here it is 10 years later, we've done all those things (and more!) and I've made a startling discovery: It doesn't matter how much we buy, there is always plenty more that I want. I am very much a part of the never-enough world and chances are, so are you.
Exposing the Myths
In the never-enough world, the myth of materialism is preached as though it were the gospel truth. Nearly every time we open a magazine, turn on the television or talk to a neighbor, we are bombarded with the message that material things provide the answers to life's basic questions. What am I worth? The most expensive hair color. What is success? Having an American Express card. How do I find peace of mind? Buy more insurance. How do I show someone how much I love them? Send them a Hallmark card. And what do I do when the going gets tough? Go shopping, of course.
Materialism promises that if we can just achieve a higher income level, get our dream house, wear the right clothes and enjoy the right kinds of leisure activities, we will be satisfied.
But in reality, it often produces families who are unable to get off the treadmill because they are deeply in debt. Parents who have no time for each other or their children. Nicer things than our parents had when they were our age but little time to enjoy them. Men and women who know how to dress for success but are full of doubts and questions on the inside.
To make matters worse, those of us who are baby boomers have a propensity toward materialism just because of the time in which we were born. As Landon Y. Jones observes in his book Great Expectations: America and the Baby Boom Generation: "For most of human history, people had thought that life was hard, brutal, and tragic. But the baby boom's early affluence developed in it...`the psychology of entitlement.' What other generations have thought privileges, the baby boomers thought were rights."
I don't know about you, but I see myself in that description! I've grown to expect that the "starter home" in which we live now is just that--a stepping-stone along the way to something bigger.
But recently, I've had to ask myself, Who says? There are people all over the world and right here in our own inner cities who live with their extended families in small apartments. They never expect to even own a home, let alone the Brady Bunch type on which I and so many of my fellow baby boomers have our hearts set. Today in my suburb, homes like that cost between $200,000 and $300,000. Who says life owes that to me?
Is Christmas Enough?
Christmas is the time of year when we pay particular homage to the myths and expectations that are part of our cultural fabric. We faithfully make our way to the stores to participate in a frenzy of buying and selling, motivated by the same beliefs and expectations that drive us all year: If I can just find the right gift for that special someone, he will know that I love him. If we get all the trappings together--the decorations, the baking, the dinner, the gifts-- maybe we will find the true meaning of Christmas. Sure, it costs a little more (maybe even money we don't have), but we're worth it.
We toil under the strain of assembling all the trappings and knowing that we may be paying long after our new toys have been relegated to some forgotten corner. And we find ourselves wondering, Is that all there is?
As much as I am influenced by the tide of cultural myths, I am learning that the source of my discontent goes far deeper. I am most vulnerable when I drift from the relationships for which I was created and the undercurrent of my own emptiness threatens to pull me into a sea of unbridled materialism.
You see, we are relational beings created first to be in a relationship with God. Just as our individual hereditary characteristics are imbedded in the structure of our chromosomes, so our relational-ness is imbedded in the DNA of our souls. When sin, rebellion or lack of attention causes a rift in this most important relationship, the emptiness of soul that results can be very painful. We may try to fill our emptiness by acquiring more things, but make no mistake about it: There will never be enough material things to satisfy the longings of the human soul.
That is why Hebrews 13:5 draws such a strong connection between freedom from materialism and our relationship with God: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, `Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"
The questions that the myth of materialism claims to answer can only be satisfied in a personal relationship with God. The more consistent we are in pursuing that relationship, the less obsessed we will be with money and things.
In Perspective
I would be unrealistic if I did not admit how much I enjoy the things money buys. Our home with its grassy lawn and good neighbors has been a wonderful place to raise our children and host our friends. My newly remodeled kitchen is saving me untold time and frustration so I am free to devote more time to people and activities that really interest me. I enjoy these gifts without guilt because God "richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment" (1 Timothy 6:17, New Revised Standard Version).
But a balanced perspective reminds me that money does have its limitations. It can buy clothes but not true beauty. An exotic vacation but not the ability to relax. A big house but not a happy family. Sports fees and equipment but not a dad who has time to coach the team. Expensive gifts but not love.
A balanced perspective also keeps me from being consumed by my desires and warns me about sacrificing what really matters in life for things that never quite satisfy. Contrary to the myth of materialism, it isn't the ones who die with the most toys who win. It is those who have loved their families well and know the joy of having that love returned. It is those who have known what it is to spend their lives for a purpose that is greater than themselves. It is those who have known their God and look forward to eternity with him.
Asking the Right Questions
Oftentimes, the questions we ask ourselves are just as important as the answers we think we know. In fact, I have found that the process of asking questions is the answer to my struggle with cultural influences, great expectations and emptiness of soul: What do I expect out of life, and where do those expectations come from? What is success, and do I tend to measure it by outward trappings (at Christmas or any other time)? How much of myself am I giving to my loved ones, and how much am I relying on expensive gifts to communicate love? What is the real source of emptiness that I feel?
In the noisiness of the holiday season or any other season of our lives, it is hard to quiet ourselves and wait for the answers to questions that are as important as these. Answers that fit into simple categories of right and wrong or 1-2-3 solutions are not the ones we are looking for.
Real answers will offer us insights about ourselves, the material world and the spiritual world that free us to choose a lifestyle consistent with our values rather than cultural myths. Real answers will help us to keep our perspective in a world where desire is out of control. Real answers will take us deeper into the relationships for which we were created. It is only then that we will be satisfied.
R. Ruth Barton is the author of Becoming a Woman of Strength. She and her family live in Wheaton, Illinois.