Question: Dear Greg,
I’m back! Seems this is the only place I feel comfortable coming back to. My question today is one that I am confused about and I hope you can share some light on the subject. Our 20 year old son and his girlfriend just recently had a little baby girl and I seem to have a problem accepting it as my grandchild being born out of wedlock. How should I handle this situation?
Thanks again, Greg and God bless.
Dennis
Answer: Dear Dennis,
Good to "talk" to you again – and thanks so much for the encouragement – we at Plain Truth Ministries want to be a place of help and encouragement – whether via e:mail, snail mail, phone, or by the more general encouragement we give via literature and our new radio program.
I, too, am a father of adult children, and while I have not experienced the exact kind of situation you describe, (for one thing I am not a grandfather yet!), I can relate to the general feelings you share. Sometimes we are worried that our love and acceptance will be misunderstood, so we do not express the love we feel.
We can often be concerned with the need to communicate that while we love the sinner, we do not condone the sin. And that is a fine line – but I have to say that I have seen more imbalance on the side of hating/condemning/denouncing/taking a stand against the sin, and that in this process the love and acceptance often gets lost.
Several general points to keep in mind (and of course I have no idea about all of the specifics of your situation, so forgive me if some of what I say does not apply because of things I do not know or understand):
this kind of love, and we are often confused when confronted with it. It sounds "too good to be true". Our culture is a "I will scratch your back if you scratch mine" society – even in relationships we barter our acceptance. Parents say – or at least communicate non-verbally – "I will love you if you get good grades", "I will love you if you do what I think you ought to", etc. etc. But that kind of love is easy – it’s simply a "you make me look good, feel good, appear successful", therefore I love you for that.
That is not what God’s love for us is based on – thank God! Because we are sinful, and it is impossible to bring home a perfect report card to God, we cannot do what we need to do without his love. We cannot earn his love and respect. But he tells us that his grace is sufficient – that he has made a way for us to be saved in spite of our sin and failure. He loves us unconditionally.
This does not mean that God wants us to sin without restraint, and that no matter how evil we might be he will always forget about it. This is making a mockery of grace.
2) Second point. But we are given grace, and we are given grace because of John 3:16 "God so loved the world…" He loved us enough to become one of us – in Jesus God came to us, adding flesh to his divinity, in order to save us from our sin. And he humbled himself (Philippians 2) in so doing, becoming someone whose very parentage was questioned. It was not easy to grow up in a small town in what we know today as Israel with questionable parentage with people talking about the fact that Jesus was older than he ought to have been, and talking about how his parents must not have waited until they were married.
Jesus has borne all of our sins, and all of our sorrows. He is there for you now – today, and tomorrow, as you work with this relationship – a little baby grand-daughter. And your son – and if he eventually marries his girlfriend, your daughter-in-law. This will not be easy to work through, but in Jesus you have someone who knows all about this – talk to him about it and ask him to fill you with his love.
Hope this helps, Dennis. May God bless you!
In Christ,
Greg Albrecht