Question: Hi Greg,

For over 3 years now, I have been struggling with pornography and lust. I have been seeking an accountability partner, because I realize that the real power of sexual sin is often it’s secrecy. I have found no one I would feel comfortable talking to about this issue. I have had friends who try to justify pornography by distinguishing "erotica" and "pornography." I want another male to confide in, but frankly most of my "Christian" brothers are either too touchy and uncomfortable to deal with the issue openly, or are in sexual sin and see no real reason to get out. How do I determine who I can confide in with this painful sin?

CN

Answer: Dear C.N.,

The accountability relationships of which I am aware are successful when the person you need is chosen carefully and cautiously over a period of time. The person you choose as mentor and accountability partner must be trust by you, and typically there is a period of time when "testing" takes place – gradually and incrementally you self-disclose, to see if you can trust the individual, if that person will keep confidences. Typically the person may be a professional – pastor or counselor – or someone older. Often the accountability partner will be chosen on the basis of little access to your friends and family – so that if there is some misunderstanding and trust is violated, there will be little worry or fear about details.

Some of the better accountability groups involve more than two people, for obvious reasons. In addition, accountability partnerships often develop as two-way streets – for example, with one partner asking the other about his weakness with pornography, and the other asking about the others’ desire to overcome smoking. Good materials on accountability are available in many Christian bookstores, you may wish to do a little study. May God bless you and be with you as you confront areas in your life that you wish to surrender to the rule of Jesus Christ.

In Christ,

Greg Albrecht