Question: Dear Greg,

First, I would like to thank you for answering my two previous questions. Your answers have helped me much, and have also helped me appreciate what you do with your ministry.

I have been considered the "good son" of my family (I’m sure you know what I’m talking about). All of my siblings have been viewed as "underachievers." and I as an "overachiever." I’ve pretty much lived up to the expectations of my family and others, until recently.

I grew up in a Catholic home, and have always had some kind of knowledge of God and his Son. I never really attended church, with the exception of Sunday school. After I finished that, I practically gave up going to church (partly because it wasn’t enforced in my home).

Getting to my question, as I said earlier, until recently I lived up to the expectations of others. About three years ago, I began to learn more about the grace of God and what his Son has done for the world (actually I began to pay more attention to it, than when I was a kid). I was baptized by a pastor, attended some services, but stopped going for personal reasons (the services are excellent, and I wish I could continue attending).

My question is that I feel a deeper desire to live up to the expectations that God has of me as a Christian and a servant. However, the expectations of others conflict with his and usually overwhelm me. What I want to know is whether or not I should ignore their expectations and focus solely on his. I would feel great guilt if I were to blow off the others. I’m afraid that it would make them feel that I don’t care about them. I could use all the help you can give me.

Thanks for everything.

Miguel

Answer: Dear Miguel,

Two thoughts before I begin. Your note seems to me to include vague statements – making it difficult for me to give specific answers. Second, as you can appreciate, I cannot offer counseling via the internet for a variety of reasons. Given those thoughts, here are a few considerations:

1. You say that you wish you could continue attending church. There are other churches, of course -- and there are many ways of connecting with other Christians besides attendance at a brick-and-mortar church. This is not something you need to feel anxious about.
2. One theme of your note is the expectations of others vs what you believe God would have you do. a) It is true that we should not live our lives simply to please others, while ignoring the freedom that we have in Christ – but we must remember that the expectations of parents, siblings, friends and our spouse are not to be disregarded, for we are to love others as we love ourselves. Others should not control us, but we should also want to please them, within reason, and within our own freedom in Christ. b) We should be careful how we determine what it is that God wants us to do. Sometimes, what others want us to do and what God wants us to do can be the same thing. It is possible for us to subjectively determine that what God wants us to do is what we want to do, and what we want to do can be different from what we ought to do.
3. This can be a huge topic, and depends so much upon the circumstances and individuals involved – I think that a good Christian friend or pastor who knows more about you and those involved in your life would be better suited to give you help at this time.

May God be with you and bless you as you labor with this issue, and as you seek his direction in your life.

In Christ,

Greg Albrecht