Question: Dear Greg,

I have been a Christian for quite some time. I could say that my walk with the Lord has been pretty good (the credit goes to him), but still there is an area in my life of which I am ashamed. I am single and living with my brother and his family in the same house. In the beginning, everything was going smoothly. I was not a Christian at that time.

Some time after my conversion, I felt attracted to my brother’s wife and now and then indulged in sexual immorality. It was a great struggle for me to lead a life of sexual purity. I thought I could make it, but I fell many times. I realized that the best thing was to separate myself from her, which I did for I was away from home for about four years. We did not keep in touch. Everything was going as I wanted. But then after having to come back home, I had to stay again in my brother’s house. I had thought that my feelings towards her had disappeared, but not so. I was on the point of restarting the illicit relationship again, but then I found out that while I was gone for about four years, she had been entertaining an illicit relationship with another married man. I was and still am terribly shocked. I could have never imagined that she could have done such a thing. That has caused me a lot of pain and heartache. I am going through emotional turmoil, but still I am feeling attracted to her and I know that this is not pleasing to God.

Now that she has found out that I have found out about the other illicit relationship, she is becoming aggressive to seduce me. I know that I must not give in to her advances and I am praying for God’s help. She says that she will persist with the other illicit relationship unless I restart the affair. I am at a loss and confused for I know that I cannot replace one sin with another sin. Also, I feel that I am responsible for the affair she is having with the married man since I was the first one to have an affair with her.

Should I tell my brother about the illicit relationship with the other married guy? Also, I don’t know whether I should envisage marriage to break away from the strong feelings for her? Or am I called to lead a celibate Christian life? Even though she continues in her immoral lifestyle, I know that I cannot hate her although I should hate the sin, and this is hard. What can I do to help her abandon this wrong lifestyle?

Please pray for me and help me to sort out this dilemma.

Dan

Answer: Hello, Dan,

Several comments to begin – first, please understand that I can only offer general and generic advice on the internet, and in no way, for a variety of reasons, can my comments be taken as counseling. I do not know you, or the specific circumstances well enough, nor is this the time or place for such counseling.

Having said that, I believe you know the biblically based answers to your questions – first, given numerous instructions, the Bible shows that Christians should not continue to be in an atmosphere which encourages, promotes, allows the problems you are encountering.

Further, while you speak of what you feel may be your responsibility for an affair your sister-in-law is now having, you do not speak of your responsibility to your brother, or to God, as you state that you are a Christian. You do state that you know that you cannot replace one sin with another.

It may be that you have compromised any ability to be of assistance and help to your brother’s wife given the nature of your physical relationship and the inevitable feelings that now exist. Given what you have stated, it would appear that you need a fresh start, geographically and spiritually. I would encourage you to seek counseling and guidance from a Christian that you can trust, as this appears to be a time when you need practical advice from a Christian source, someone you trust, and someone who knows you. May God be with you and guide you as you seek his will at this time.

In Christ,

Greg Albrecht