Question:  Dear Greg,

            Living together seems to be a very common thing in our culture.  People that I am acquainted with live together for many years.  They then decide to get married and not too long after, they separate and divorce.  Do you have any explanation for why this sort of thing happens in our culture?  Is there an element of legalism or requirement about marriage that leads to people going their separate ways?  I know that some people live together in the event that something goes wrong they can bail out more easily than if they are committed to marriage.  Perhaps it is just coincidental that relationships to bad after people get married.  I am married and am finding that it is enormously challenging to maintain a relationship and am finding it difficult to understand my spouse.  I am sure I am not alone.  I would appreciate any comments that you might have on the above issues.

            Dave

Answer:  Dear Dave,

            It seems that you are on the right track in terms of your answer.  Living together is favored generally because it minimizes commitment.  Civil law has had to intervene however, because there are property issues that arise when living together arrangements/common-law marriages dissolve—and civil law generally recognizes common-law marriages after 6 or 7 years I believe (probably varies from country to country, state to state, province to province).

            Marriage has always been difficult—it has always faced challenges—there are many issues today that challenge marriage that were not faced by people a century ago, but they faced issues we do not.  Biblically, marriage is defined as one man, one woman, for life.

            Read and study, talk and counsel—there is much to learn about married life, and many ways in which each of us can be a better spouse.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht