Question:  Dear Greg,

            We had an incident in our family recently.  My sister asked her husband for a divorce, and three weeks later told us about a guy she is in love with.  It has now been four months and she is now living with him on the weekends.

            Before the separation, our family had planned a vacation together.  It was to be a celebration of marriages; this year was a milestone for all of us.  After the separation the sister who is planning the vacation told us that my separated sister was still going and taking her son.  We all received this with open arms.  Well, I just found out today that my separated sister’s boyfriend is going.  They will be staying in separate bedrooms and staying in the condo with my other sister.  I told my sister who is planning the vacation that my family will not be going.  Now the whole family is upset with me, saying that I am being “holier than thou” and judgmental.  The sister who planned the vacation is a Christian also.  She sees this as an outreach to my other sister.  I really can’t see taking my family down there and receiving them into our fellowship as an acceptable relationship.  Am I wrong?

            Rhonda

Answer:  Dear Rhonda,

            It is difficult for me to “take sides” and offer advice, given the little I know of the situation--the fact that I don’t know anyone you describe personally, and most importantly, the fact that I am not a member of your family.

It seems to me that you have made a decision based upon faith (Romans 14:23)—and that decision is one you must make.  How you communicate your belief that you cannot condone what your sister is doing might be another matter—but wisdom in such situations is usually in hindsight, because such situations are filled with emotion on every side.  We usually don’t have two weeks to carefully consider all pros and cons—we simply say and/or do something.  So there may have been better ways to discuss your thoughts—perhaps better ways to handle the situation without an ultimatum or “boycott”—but maybe not.

            On the other hand, it is common for those who feel guilty by a line in the sand that someone of principle draws to criticize their stand as being “self righteous”.  You may be, but you did take a stand.

            Things like this are not worth losing family over—so I hope that you and your family will be able, at the right time and place, to discuss this, and ensure that you continue to be a family, with whatever modifications or restrictions are necessary.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht