Question:  Dear Greg,

            I am a Roman Catholic and my girlfriend is a Pentecostal.  Her father is the preacher at their church, and he and his wife (her mom) do not agree with our relationship.  I love her and we have been talking about getting married.  But I want to know if a Catholic can get married to a Pentecostal?  If so, can religion be a problem between us?  I told her that I don’t believe the same way she does, but that I respect her beliefs and I do not mind her going to her church after we get married.  I need some advice.

            Angel

 

Answer:  Dear Angel,

            The issue of inter-faith relationships can become a serious problem.  Some denominations a re very strict about what they will allow one of their members to do in this regard.  Some denominations will allow/perform inter-faith marriages only with the proviso that the children of the union be raised within their denomination.  Other denominations are more accepting of other denominations.

            You and your girlfriend should carefully think through this issue, for it is tempting to say that “things will just work themselves out.”  The first problem, of course, is in whose church the wedding will occur, and whose pastor/priest will perform the ceremony.  That alone has ended relationships.

            Then, while each individual may say that they do not now object to their future spouse going to the church of their choice after marriage, will that same acceptance remain after marriage?  Will both spouses take turns attending the other’s church, for example?  And what about the children?  Whose church will they go to?  And, as culture and customs can differ slightly, whose holy days and holidays will be observed?

            The issues usually become more serious with the introduction of:

1.      The degree of involvement with each denomination the spouses have.  The greater degree of involvement, the greater chance of friction.

2.      Pressure exerted by friends and family.  While two people thinking about marriage often think of the world as a perpetual “them and us” configuration—“you and me against the world”—after marriage the religious desires, interests and pressures exerted by friends and family can be a factor.  You both know your friends and family now, and it would be good to consider what kind of influence they will be after you begin married life.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht