Question:  Dear Greg,

            If a person who is married became involved in activity that was not appropriate, and they did something very horrible, and realized it was wrong and honestly repented to God, does that person need to tell their spouse?  Will God still forgive that person if their repentance was sincere and they changed their behavior and got back in right standing with God?

            Please respond, as this matter is very important to me.  My own belief is if God forgives and the deed is never repeated why do we have to tell?  What do you think?

            Thank you so much,

            Gen

Answer:  Dear Gen,

            The situation you describe can be a highly complicated mixture between human and divine forgiveness/communication/responsibility/relationship.

            On the one hand, as you note, God does not forgive us based upon actions we take to remedy or fix situations.  God forgives us based upon our repentance, upon our acceptance of Christ as our Savior, based upon our request of his mercy and grace.  Forgiveness is not based upon what we do; it is based upon what Christ has already done.

            However, you describe a marital situation and the decision whether to tell a spouse about something that, at one point in time at least, they do not know.

            Such a situation is complex and there is no easy answer.  Some may say that honesty is always the best policy, but honesty does not involve telling everyone, including your spouse, about one’s sins (or at least those sins we can remember).

            Some believe that if there is a chance of a spouse finding out about a sin, then the other spouse should confess and be the one to bring such a situation to their husband or wife’s attention.

            There is no easy solution nor is there a “one size-fits all” answer to give about such a situation.  Perhaps the reason that there is no one answer is because:

1.      we humans are imperfect

2.      we humans differ in many ways

God, on the other hand, is:

1.      perfect

2.      the same yesterday, today, and forever.

He does not forgive us based upon our good behavior, and then if we fall at some time in the future; throw our past in our face.  Our good behavior comes out of a relationship with God based upon his trust, his love, his mercy and his forgiveness.  We want to please him when we are convinced that he is good, and that we are not, and that we will never be able to perfectly please either him or another human based upon our impeccable moral behavior.  God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves—that is at the heart of the gospel.

            Put another way, we know that our eternal forgiveness and our eternal relationship with God is secure, safe, protected and sure.  As for those human relationships (and we are all part of them and contribute to them, of course)—that’s another thing!

            Hope this helps in some way, Gen.  May God bless you with wisdom with what you may be facing or helping someone else face.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht