Question:  Dear Greg,

            We have been attending a very small church for a few years now.  We were introduced to the church shortly after we were married and have been attending ever since.  The problem we are facing now is that the church no longer meets our needs.  I have two children, ages one and four.  The church offers no Sunday school or anything else for the children.  They are forced to sit through the sermon quietly, not understanding anything about it.  I have never understood the pastor, nor do I agree with his beliefs.  Looking back, I would say that we only attended the church out of convenience.  We made the decision to leave the church in search of another.  We were close friends with many people in the church as well as my in-laws.  We have not been back to the church in over a month.  My question is, how do I handle questions when we are asked why we left the church without hurting anyone’s feelings?

            Tammy

Answer:  Dear Tammy,

            There are many reasons for beginning to attend a particular church, and there are many reasons for leaving.  There is no reason why anyone should feel guilty or as if they are betraying God if they decide to move to another church.

            A church needs to do two things in general:

1.      Provide its parishioners and members with spiritual food and direction, and

2.      Give members an opportunity to participate as they are gifted and directed and to be involved in the body life of the church.

            We all have a variety of needs, and some churches help us, while others do not.  It is possible for some people to go to a church and have that time be a huge test of their attitude, only to return home and take several days to “get over” church.  This should not occur as much as it does, but it does.  So, there is no reason why you should not consider moving to another church.

            Answers to those who ask?  Depending upon the reasons, we may give some specific or some vague reasons, or we may simply smile and respond that we felt that it was time to move to another church.  After all, we may move because we had a huge falling out with a leading family in the church, because we don’t like the direction of church liturgy and music or because we think the church is too controlling, too conservative or too liberal.  It may be that the pastor just isn’t a good match for us—his sermons might be way too intellectual, boring, etc.  Going beyond this, it seems you have serious questions about the pastor’s beliefs.  This is very much of a valid reason to look for another fellowship.  And, there is no need to feel compelled to give exact and specific reasons about why you left.

            If we are authentic Christians, our friendships with those who leave the church we continue to attend and support should remain.  An exception might arise if they are joining some kind of unhealthy, biblically unbalanced church or even cultic group that makes it almost impossible to continue being friends, as they won’t talk with us anymore.  But merely to cease being friends because someone was once a Baptist and now becomes a Lutheran, or even less, simply moves to another Baptist church?  Is God pleased with withdrawing friendships when a brother or sister in Christ decides to move to another Christ-centered, well-balanced church?

            May God bless you and your family as you make this transition.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht