Question:  Hi Greg,

            I asked you a question about a year ago and still find myself in a dilemma when it comes to tolerating behavior from “Christians” who turn their backs on Christ.  The word says you cannot serve two masters.  Are we to continue to fellowship with those that seem to choose the master of this world on a regular basis?  I read in the word where it says tell them twice and then dust off your feet.

            This leads me to believe we are not to fellowship with those that knowingly and admittedly do what they want, serving the master of this world.  I am not talking about unbelievers who have never heard of the gospel message.  I am talking about people who have heard and at one point accepted it.  No, after talking with them to shine light on their sin they have even confessed they don’t care what Jesus says.  My mother-in-law is purchasing a home with her boyfriend—she is 65 and he is 38.  She has asked her son, my husband, to help move to the new residence.  I believe strongly that she has a need  to know we support her decision to do this, making her believe her sin is not sin.  We have talked with her about her choices and the consequences when she decided to move in with him 6 months ago.  She attends church regularly.  Now they are buying this house together.  I believe by helping her move we are providing the acceptance and tolerance she needs to continue in her sin.  My husband totally disagrees.  He says he loves his mom and he doesn’t agree with what she is doing, but she has asked him for help and he is going to help her.

            I agree with “hate the sin and love the sinner.”  I love my mother-in-law enough to confront her.  Even Jesus said his mother and father are those who believe like him.  He said we need to hate our mothers and siblings for his sake.  Tolerance is not love.  Just as God disciplines us because he loves us, we also must hold each other accountable.

            What are your thoughts on this?

            Rhonda

Answer:  Dear Rhonda,

            Here are some points to ponder:

1.      While your mother-in-law says she is a Christian, she is also your mother-in- law and your husband’s mother.  While I don’t know your specific relationship with her, I would think that long-term difficulties could arise if this is not handled carefully.  While you do not want to appear to condone certain activities, what will you accomplish by taking a stand?  Does your mother-in-law know how you and your husband feel?  How much more of a “stand” do you both need to take?

2.      You use the word “fellowship”.  God does not withdraw his love from us when we do things that are wrong and sinful.  He does not compromise his holiness and perfection, but there is never a time when we cannot access him.  While our human relationships are not a perfect analogy, and while there definitely is a time to withdraw from contact when criminal behavior is taking place, a complete end of contact may mean you or your husband would be unable to positively influence your mother-in-law.

3.      You speak of “those who knowingly and admittedly do what they want”—and then say that your mother-in-law attends church.  But attendance at church does not mean that someone is a Christian.  There are many people who have attended church all their lives but are not Christian.  How do you know that your mother-in-law is a Christian?  Perhaps the behavior you describe is one way of telling that she is not, and never has been.  She may need your friendship and contact now more than ever before.

4.      You are correct, tolerance is not love.  But it is also true that there are many times when we repel people when we think all we are doing is taking a stand.  Above all, we want to be a tool, a vehicle that God can use to shine the light of Christ into other people’s lives.  And no, we do not want to compromise.  But we want to be available, approachable and open—therein lies the tension in this situation and the balance you seek.

            We will keep you, your husband and your mother-in-law in our prayers.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht