Question:   Dear Greg,

            I have grown up in a Christian family and was baptized as an infant.  My parents come from a strong Lutheran background but because of their desire for my siblings and me to be brought up in a Bible-teaching church, they switched churches.  When we had to move they couldn’t find any Bible-teaching churches that were Lutheran, so ever since I’ve been in 4^th grade I made the decision that I wanted to be baptized.  Even though I had asked Jesus into my heart a long time ago, I wanted to be baptized as an act of obedience to my Savior and as a public declaration of my faith.

            My father refused to allow me.  At the time he didn’t explain his reasoning to me sufficiently and I was quite upset and hurt.  However, he did say that when I was older and on my own I could make that choice if I wanted to.  Now I’m 18 years old and I know in my heart that God is still calling me to be baptized—not because he requires it for my salvation, but because it’s an act of obedience that will bring personal growth in my walk with him.

            My dad still disagrees but he has agreed that I’m old enough to make that choice.  I’m planning on being baptized in May and my dad has informed me that he won’t be able to support my baptism unless I’m willing to research adult baptism vs. infant baptism and discuss it with him during a number of meetings.  I’m willing to respect him by doing that, but I’m having a lot of frustrations with the whole ordeal.  I feel like he and I are discussing two different subjects.  For me the issue isn’t adult baptism vs. infant baptism.  My brother and sister were both baptized as infants and they’re fine with it, and that’s great!  I’m happy for them, and I feel there’s nothing wrong with that.  It’s not enough for me, though.  I need that experience, and that memory, to help spur me in my walk with Christ.  Pictures of me as an infant being sprinkled with water are not enough of an encouragement for me because it wasn’t a choice that I made with an understanding of its symbolism.  My dad feels that I’m rejecting my infant baptism by choosing to be baptized as an adult, and he feels that if I’m for adult baptism that I have to be against infant baptism.  In a way I suppose I disagree with infant baptism because it’s not what I will choose for my children, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with others who choose that for themselves or their children.  Here’s my question: How do I turn this discussion with my dad around from being one about adult baptism vs. infant baptism to one about him supporting me in following through on something that Christ is leading me to do?

            I feel like he wants me to come up with biblical and historical facts that disprove infant baptism so he can disprove my facts.  To me that’s not the issue, and it will just cause more argument.  Do you have any suggestions?

            Karyne

Answer:  Dear Karyne,

            Many parents and their children find themselves in religious stand-offs, with the infant vs. believer’s baptism being one of many issues that present themselves as ways that we might differ.  Denominational battles and wars between Christians are real—a kind of spiritual sibling rivalry.

            First—remember that as Christians we should agree upon the essentials.  Those are the core doctrines of historic Christianity as given to us by the early church in the creeds, and followed since that time by the universal body of Christ.  On less important areas we may differ and should strive for understanding and love in these areas because, unfortunately, Christians have a long record of attacking one another on non-essential, peripheral practices and beliefs.  It is called denominationalism.  This sound, biblical approach was all summed up in verse hundreds of years ago:

            “In essential, unity

            In non-essentials, liberty

            In all things, charity.”

            Secondly—the mode of baptism and the age of the person being baptized is a peripheral.

            Thirdly—you appear to have a good grasp of what baptism is, and what it isn’t.  But to review, baptism is not all about joining a church or agreeing to some particular set of peripheral doctrinal statements and beliefs as superior to what one adhered to or followed before.  There is no need for Christians to be re-baptized simply because they become a member of another church.  If a church overtly or even covertly puts pressure on new members to be re-baptized “into their church”, then that church is outside of the Bible’s instructions.

            However, the desire on the part of the individual, which you articulate as your case, to be baptized as a believer after having been baptized as an infant is not necessarily the result of pressure from a church.  There is nothing wrong with being baptized again, as long as the individual realizes that there is no gain, no superiority, no greater claim to salvation, etc., etc. involved.

            Fourthly, it may be that this issue is far more of a parent/child issue, with religious/denominational overtones.  You state that “my dad feels that I’m rejecting my infant baptism…” Your dad may feel that you are rejecting his values and beliefs, his church, his doctrinal teaching given to you when you were young, etc.  The mode of baptism is not worth a rift between parent and child, but it has happened many times.  There are parents and children who will not speak because of such issues.

            This issue might be worthy of your consideration as you discuss this with your dad.  You can assure him that you are not rejecting him, your family, your history, and certainly not Christianity.  On the other hand, if this discussion is based on a doctrinal battle of the merits of infant vs. believer’s baptism, there will not be a happy outcome.  It’s a stalemate at best, with biblical verses and passages on both sides.  The Protestant reformation comes into play here with the many differing views that came out in terms of baptism.  It was issues like freedom of religion that brought many Christians to America and Canada and out of the state churches of Europe.  All of that is a long and protracted discussion, again, upon which we as Christians should give each other the grace to differ (see Romans 14).

            May God bless you and your dad as you discuss this as two adult Christians.

            In Christ,

            Greg Albrecht