Question: Dear Greg,
My wife and I have been married for 9 years. When we married I assumed that she believed in God as I did, as one God existing as a trinity of persons: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Father is not the same person as the Son; the Son is not the same person as the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is not the same person as the Father. They are distinct persons yet they are all one God. They are in absolute perfect harmony consisting of one substance. They are co-eternal, co-equal and co-powerful.
I found out shortly after we were married that she was raised in the United Pentecostal Church International (UPCI). The United Pentecostal Church (UPC) teaches that God is one, manifesting himself in three ways. They believe Jesus is not only the Son but also the Father and Holy Spirit. This belief has been referred to as “oneness” or “Jesus only”. In contrast, the majority of Christian churches teach a Trinitarian concept. Neither the word “trinity” nor the word “oneness” is found in the Bible.
For our entire nine years of marriage we have both been members of a church that teaches the Trinitarian view of God. I assumed that she now accepted this.
Five or six months ago her father passed away. He was also a member of the UPCI. Ever since the time of her father’s death she has started attending the UPCI church meetings by herself on Tuesday mornings and Wednesday evenings. She has been attending church on Sundays with me at our home church for the a.m. and p.m. services. I have told her that I do not support the theology and doctrine of the UPCI and that I basically consider it a cult.
Now she says she wants to attend the UPCI church exclusively by herself since she knows that I will not attend there with her. She says she does not see any problem, that I can keep attending the same church we have been members at for the last nine years and she will attend the UPCI church. I have talked with my pastor about this. My pastor says he does not go along with the UPCI doctrine and it sounds as if she is brainwashed by this doctrine. She will not talk to him about it and insists we go to separate churches. Other than this our marriage has been good but this is straining our relationship due to constant bickering about the differences in doctrine between the two churches. She will not go to counseling for this.
I think she started going to the UPCI after her father’s death because it made her feel closer to him, due to this being his home church. I did not object at the time because I knew she was grieving for her father. Now I don’t know what to do.
I gave her scripture where she is not being submissive to me on this and she blew it off. She says no man is going to get between her and her relationship with God. I have been praying about this and I know scripture is on my side but if this keeps up I feel that this issue will break up our marriage. She says she loves me and that I should not object to where she attends church. She will not allow me to approach the minister at the UPCI church about this issue between us. She says that I will just be trying to belittle her in front of the pastor.
Any opinions for a brother in the Lord? Please pray for my situation.
Larry
Answer: Dear Larry,
From the information you supply, you may be correct in thinking that your wife has reverted to the church and doctrines of her youth as a part of the grief she feels and the loss of her father. There could be many reasons why she is so motivated, but whatever the reason, the reality is the situation you are now living with. Some thoughts and questions (based upon the biblical understanding we have) for possible consideration:
1. Asking one’s wife to submit to one’s spiritual beliefs is not only usually a losing proposition (“he or she who is convicted against their will is of the same opinion still”), but it is not biblical. The Bible teaches that we should not obey man, but God, when it comes to our deeply held convictions. Though her beliefs on this topic are not biblical and not Christian and are contrary to the beliefs about the Trinity held by historic Christianity, she holds that belief and is apparently convicted that it is appropriate, of God, biblical, etc. Therefore she may well feel biblically justified in holding such a view, though she loves you.
2. You may be right—the issue could seriously damage your relationship with your wife. You use the terms “straining our relationship” and “constant bickering”. Is the issue worth your marriage?
3. Can two people live together, love each other, even though they grow spiritually apart? The Bible says yes. See Paul’s comments in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 about “unbelieving” spouses.
4. This doctrinal issue is, of course,
a serious topic—one that is at the heart of Christianity. As I understand
it, the UPCI was founded in 1945, coming out of the Oneness Pentecostals who
left the AG over this issue about 90 years ago. This view has some similarities
to the historical heresy of modalism, perhaps some of
the extra-Christian views of the nature of God of the
5. As you deal with this difficult issue, we will pray that God will grant you wisdom, understanding, patience and an extra measure of his love. Our prayers are with you Larry.
In Christ,