Question:
Dear
Greg,
My mother died about six months ago.
I was with her to the end, which was a blessing.
In the last six months my dad has really gone downhill.
He is a loner and has no one to talk to.
I live about 1000 miles away. He
is not a believer. I have told him
about Christ. This was all before
my mother died. He was just told by
his doctor that he has bone degeneration in his pelvis and hips and there is
nothing they can do. He is so
mentally depressed.
He is setting everything up for his death.
He and I have spent some time on the phone about this.
He says he is not afraid of death at all and welcomes it.
I really don’t know how to deal with this.
He is a very strong willed man. I
don’t think I can change his mind without alienating myself to him.
Thanks for any advice.
Craig
Answer:
Dear
Craig,
Parents are usually the first ones to learn that children do not always
do what the parents want. Later in
life, when children become adults, they can be faced with the formidable
challenge of having the roles reversed somewhat.
They become more like a parent, trying to influence behavior, encouraging
and comforting—especially as parents age and feel they have nothing to live
for.
Whether you live 1000 miles away or one block away, you probably would
not be able to change your father’s actions and decisions.
It seems, from what you say, that you are doing all you can to encourage
and comfort, to guide and gently nudge. However,
at the end of the day, your father will do what he decides to do.
He may listen to you about some issues, and not others.
If he has lost a reason for living (your mother) and has few friends, few
activities that keep him going, etc., then it is going to be difficult for you
to fill that missing part of his life. Talking
to him about God is (as it always is at any stage of anyone’s life) good.
However, some special care may need to be taken.
God knows exactly where your father is emotionally and spiritually and is
there for him. Based upon
experiences with others and insight gained from chaplains, etc., I believe that
there is much spiritual activity and communication that takes place in the last
days of life. By all means talk to
your father about God, but do try to make it natural and unforced.
All of us resent having a “last witness” and especially (I would
think) terminally ill people. Gentle
hints and natural conversational subjects are best—your father can find God
easily. God is near to him and
ready for him.
Much more can be said—perhaps this offers a little help.
May God bless you and comfort you, Craig.
You have experienced the loss of your mother and now face the same in the
near future with your father. I
very much understand, having lost both birth parents as well as a step dad.
God will be with you every step of the way.
Trust in him. He will make a
way for you and your father as you face this challenge.
In Christ,