Question:
Dear
Greg,
When is a marriage recognized by God?
The answer is when there is a pledge or commitment to one another.
Is that pledge or commitment REQUIRED to be done in public—i.e.,
“walking down the isle in front of family and friends with a clergyman
presiding over the event”? I ask
this question because I was in a relationship where I was committed.
We had made a commitment to each other in my living room one evening and
I was under the belief we were married, but without the public ceremony.
I believed that he made the same commitment to me in the presence of God
(we are both believers) until we had a public ceremony.
I was hesitant to marry him at the time because I was overextended and in
debt. I wanted to work on a plan to
get out of debt before being married legally and binding him to my debt.
I told him I needed about a year to do so.
In that time my “husband” subjected me to much turmoil and said that
unless he walked down the aisle he couldn’t feel married.
I guess my question is, does God recognize
that marriage takes place in the hearts of two people before the public walking
down the aisle?
Linda
Answer:
Dear
Linda,
The very kind of situation you describe is the reason that governments do
not allow citizens to subjectively determine what constitutes marriage.
God allows, expects, and beyond that, actually ordains governments to
make laws and enforce them. Marriage,
therefore, is governed by the laws of the state.
Without such laws we would have anarchy, with claims of marriage and
family being without any objective standard.
Marriage, therefore, by government regulations, must involve a
ceremony—a commitment—if for nothing else an act by two people to accept
responsibility for financial debts the new partnership will undertake.
It is true, subjectively, that a marriage is between two humans and
God—and no one else. But we are
imperfect humans and we need contracts that bind us, which is the place of civil
governments. Governments do not
generally require clergy, but they require a license and a binding contract.
They, in a similar way, require a similar thing for divorce and
remarriage—without such a thing multiple marriages and polygamous marriages
would be common.
Your statement about hesitation to be married because of financial debts
is a de facto proof that marriage, undertaken properly, with a license and
approval by the state, is a business relationship, among other things.
Of course not all marriages that are recognized by the state are
marriages that include God—but all marriages that include God should be
recognized by the state when the state insists upon such a thing (virtually all
governments do, of course). Marriage
is a public declaration of the commitment of two people—publicly declared so
that all others, family, friends and strangers know of the unique status of the
man and woman who have made a commitment to each other.
In Christ,