PTM E-UPDATE -- MARCH 8, 2010

Dealing with the guilt of abortion

Here are just two of the many responses we received about Greg's lead article, "No Condemnation -- Even for Those Who Have Had Abortions!" in the February 22 PTM e-Update.

Q. I just had to comment on the recent PTM e-Update article on abortion. Wow. Greg needs to do more homework before publishing an answer like that. I've been where that woman is and have received amazing healing. There are great books that are all about God's grace with respect to abortion recovery. They guy who asked you the question is talking about a woman's self-condemnation -- not churches or organizations. Most women suffer silently and at great cost. I've worked as a pregnancy counselor and post-abortion counselor for five years, and have walked many woman through a wonderful recovery Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. There are many more, wonderful grace-filled resources and people who've been there who are called to minister in this area. Unless you've experienced it, you have know idea what it's like to live with the guilt shame and memories of abortion. I felt Greg's answer was all about what he thought church's and organizations were doing to add to the shame. I've had wonderful support from churches in this area and have even had a couple pastors wives come forward for healing.

A. Thanks for taking time to send us your thoughts.  By way of explanation and response:

1) The question came from a woman, not a guy, who was concerned about her friend, who was, as you note, dealing with her own self-condemnation. However, her friend wanted me to help, perhaps by telling her about someone who had been through a similar experience, and "discovered God's grace through the situation." 

2) I responded to the question based on my knowledge of the literature that has been sent to me for review and comment -- some of the literature has been sent to  me by women who have looked for healing and forgiveness, only to experience ongoing condemnation. Not one of the resources which I have seen offer the perspective you share. I am delighted to hear about "Forgiven and Set Free" and I am thankful to both hear from you and know about your own personal experiences in helping many women, as a counselor. Thank you.

3) I am also thrilled to hear that you, in your ministry and service, have received support from pastors and their wives.  I am well aware that such healthy spiritual environments exist and I thank God for them. My response was no blanket condemnation of ALL churches and pastors -- but of "many books, ministries and churches..."

4) My response was not, as you assert, "all about what he thought churches and organizations are doing to add to the shame." My response is based on fact, evidence, documentation and experience. My response is and was based on what I know. My response is based on a religious atmosphere created by many spiritual addresses at which survivors have an extremely difficult time healing, given the constant pressure to politicize, politic and picket. By way of contrast, in such religious environments people who are dealing with their personal sins of the flesh -- say of gluttony, greed, selfishness, spiritual pride and arrogance, racism, etc -- do not have to endure the withering onslaught of reminders about their "crime."  I don't think this is happening -- I know it is. Our letters in response to this brief exchange, from pastors, pastor's wives, and women who have endured a continuing climate of shame and recrimination confirm this reality.  One other letter, in addition to yours, recommended a grace-based, Christ-centered resource -- for which I am thankful.  However, no letters have taken me to task for decrying the overbearing, legalistic, shame-filled resources of condemnation which do exist -- and attempt to help survivors "heal." The fact is that these resources exist, sadly, in the name of Jesus. That fact is, sadly, beyond debate.

5) Having said this, I am not an expert, as it seems you are, in helping those who have have experienced an abortion. I don't pretend to be. I am happy to do my best, by God's grace, to respond to all manner of questions upon which God's incredible and amazing love has a bearing. By God's grace, I do know something about his forgiveness and his grace. I also know something about the wrong-headed, ungracious climate of religiosity which enslaves many. That emphasis was the point of my response -- forgive me if I have failed to communicate

In Christ
Greg Albrecht

Response: Thank you for your quick response and for taking the time to explain. I wasn't raised in a church (perhaps thankfully!) and I live on the the central California coast where things are fairly liberal, so I think I just haven't experienced the kind of condemnation you've described, and frankly can hardly imagine it. Seems like Satan does a pretty good job on his own!

I understand about the politicizing, and have found it a challenge being a Christian Democrat with differing views on many topics, from my more conservative friends. But in regards to abortion recovery there are wonderful groups and resources all over the country. This particular area of bondage is such a personal and often secret shame for women (and men) that the healing and liberation that can take place in a group or even with one other person is truly amazing. Your response just didn't seem very hopeful. Women really need to know they're not alone in this. Some statistics say 40% of women sitting in the pews are post abortive, and so many have never come out about it. The more we talk about healing the better, and I know just the fact that you shared that letter will open some doors for many who may be suffering in silence. Blessings on your ministry.

Greg's response: I understand that you probably don't know too much (thank God!) about the kinds of controlling spiritual atmospheres I do my best to combat, in the name of God's amazing grace. You are correct -- the more we talk about any problem, sin, dysfunction -- any shame and guilt -- and the more we talk about God's grace and forgiveness, the better. 

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Q. Regarding your article on abortion in the PTM e-Update -- the fact that women feel guilt is innate. What we say doesn't have nearly the impact that those innate reactions do. The hardest thing in the world is for a woman to forgive herself for having an abortion. I'm not saying that we aren't failing to show God's unconditional love for women who have had abortions and have repented. I am saying that it's not wrong for women to warn other women not to do what they did.

The Bible tells us that even if a woman forgets the child in her womb, God will never forget us. That's not just a comment on God. It's also a comment on how women see abortion once they come to their senses. This is an extreme example. Women don't forget the child they aborted.

We want to explain God's forgiveness and grace as fully as possible. That doesn't mean that it's just a one-sided issue, because it's not. Our society needs to stop making abortion available. We need to reach out to women and discourage them from having abortions. Abortion really does wreck a lot of lives. Unfortunately, we can't do these things without also being around women who have had abortions and are suffering. But when the women themselves, after having healed spiritually from abortion, carry signs that say, "I regret my abortion," they're trying to convey a message. No matter how much they acknowledge God's forgiveness, they will never see their child again. And it was by their own actions in many cases. How would you feel if you had killed your own flesh and blood? That's how women feel. They will have to spend the rest of their lives missing their children. God doesn't always remove the consequences of our actions, and in the case of abortion, he doesn't ever do so. He doesn't give the child back. He may give other children, and He may heal, but a woman cannot have her child back.

So I feel that your column is completely right, but it also doesn't address any of the other issues.

I help women who have had abortions. I explain God's love and forgiveness. I tell them about the Apostle Paul and King David, whom God forgave. I tell them He will also forgive them. But I never minimize the agony they suffer, and I recognize that forgiving oneself may be close to impossible. I almost had an abortion once, and I don't think I would have been able to forgive myself, either. Even though I didn't actually have an abortion, I suffered emotional agony over the fact I almost did.

Believe me, the accusations a woman directs at herself, and the accusations that come from the devil, beat the socks off anything anyone else can say.

A. Thanks for your input and thoughts. And thanks for your help with women who have had abortions. I appreciate your experience and first hand insight, which I don't have.

As you say, we do want to explain, but more than that, help people to experience the peace and rest of God's forgiveness and grace. My brief answer to this lady was not an attempt to fully explain all of the issues that present themselves with abortion, but to simply point out that there are "healers" who wind up, without knowing it, subjecting those seeking God to more recrimination and condemnation.

Abortion, in recent years, has been elevated, in some religious circles, to the highest level of what the Catholics call "mortal" sins (as opposed to venial). But when we humans assign certain behaviors as being the most depraved, malicious and vile sins, we are in opposition to Scripture. It may be that such assignments are done for the purpose of helping restrain the behavior -- the "hear and fear" technique -- but it also may be that such assignments make those who are not guilty of what they have been assured are the most outrageous sins feel better about their own (things like greed, gluttony, spiritual pride and arrogance, racism, etc.) I attempted, in my brief response to this woman, to note that reality.

In Christ
Greg Albrecht

Response: Thank you for your long and thoughtful message. I agree with you. It is a very difficult balancing act to deal with all sides of the abortion question. Women need to be warned. Society needs to be warned. I don't go along with Catholicism's division of sins into "mortal" and "venial." It isn't scriptural, as you say. The tiniest sin is enough to alienate us from God forever. Heck, our ancestors took one bite of fruit, and look at the repercussions! I often tell women who have aborted that in God's eyes, I am no better than they are. I really appreciate your ministry. Your answers are always right on! May the Lord continue to bless you,

Greg's response: The abortion issue is a balancing act -- that alone is a critically important point. What I find offensive is the dogmatic, absolute one-size-fits-all pronouncements of many churches, pastors and ministries, which leave so many victims in their wake.

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