PTM WEEKLY UPDATE -- MAY 12, 2008

Am I being paranoid and superstitious?

Q.  Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I pray that your answer will come from God and fill me with the hope that I used to have. I came back to the Lord only a few years ago after a lengthy rebellious time in my life. Since then I've grown to know the Lord more and more thanks to a local church I was attending where I even had the opportunity to teach for a time. But, recently, my life has become one horrendous difficulty after another. I moved my wife and family away from an area that was becoming dangerous to another where the troubles just seemed to get worse. All these problems made me begin to doubt my relationship with God. I began to believe he never cared for me in the first place, let alone forgave my sins. I certainly never saw any of the spiritual fruit that was supposed to define a believer.

Everything finally came to a head when I became so distraught at my situation that I cursed my wife, family -- and worse, God. I'd prayed and prayed for his forgiveness since, but life continued to be difficult and I still never received answers to my prayers for deliverance.

Finally, one night at about two in the morning, I asked the Lord for a sign that he forgave me and still loved me. The sign he gave was negative. I asked for a similar sign to be sure but to the opposite result. This sign was also negative. I can't begin to describe the feelings of terror and loss that have overwhelmed me.

I know that Job's only saving grace came from the fact that he did not curse God during his trials. Am I simply being paranoid and superstitious? My wife tells me that I can read the worst out of the best Bible passages and that my perception of God's character has always been harsh. I just need to know that my Lord still loves me and holds me in his favor. Thank you again for your time and your insight. May God continue to bless you and your wonderful ministry.

A.  I pray that God will use something I say to be of encouragement and inspiration to you. I don't think I'll say anything revolutionary and new -- so please don't expect that. You're going to hear some of the same old, same old, perhaps in a slightly different way, based on my understanding of the Bible.

First -- troubles and problems do not identify and label us as a non-Christian. I'm sure you know that. Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow him. Sadly, many in Christendom, through their emphasis, have caused church-goers to expect ongoing blessings, smooth sailing, health and wealth. That's not what Jesus or his apostles taught, or experienced. The fact that we experience troubles has little, if anything to do with our relationship with God. Our trials can have something to do with our relationship with God -- in the sense that they test us -- but their existence is not evidence that God is not involved, that he doesn't love us.

Second -- "cursing" your wife. Several ways I could take that. If you simply meant obscenities, ill-tempered words -- that's one thing, and of course, as you are well aware already, should not have been spoken. But if you mean you somehow cast some kind of divine spell on her -- that's silly and unbiblical. You cannot do such a thing. You have no powers to do such a thing -- nor does any human. So if you said something along that line, and are worried about it, don't worry -- you are putting WAY too much faith in the power of your words. Your words, in terms of some lasting hex or curse, were meaningless. On the other hand, the words you spoke probably hurt and did damage to your relationship, so you still need to deal with the request for forgiveness, the apology to your wife -- I don't need to elaborate about that.

Asking for a sign? Once again, I suggest that such a request is rather primitive, and while it occasionally happened in the Old Testament, it is not a fail-safe method of determining God's will. Why? Because "signs" are so easily interpreted in any ways we wish to -- we see them subjectively rather than objectively. Yes, God loves you and holds you in his favor. I believe, based on what I know of him from the Bible, that he wants to lead you away from what you call "paranoia and superstition" into a balanced relationship with him -- and for that matter with your wife and others.

You are not without hope -- God loves you just as much right now as he ever has or ever will.

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