PTM E-UPDATE -- JULY 26, 2010

When a loved one dies . . .

Q. My mother who had come to live with us passed on recently after having a stroke. It's been a rough time. I have learned through this experience that one of the only taboo subjects in American culture is the reality of death for ourselves or our loved ones.

My husband and my children were supportive through my mother's last week of life. Spiritually I did my best to show her the love of Christ.

If you wrote an article about death and how people can be charitable and supporting it might help someone else. I found that many of my friends quite literally ducked out during my mother's last week of life. People would say "is there anything I can do?" and if I tried to talk to them they would get very uncomfortable and would withdraw. My own brother said to me, "Is she conscious at all? If she isn't there is no reason for me to come." My two best friends went on vacation and said that she was dying and there was nothing they could do. So they missed the funeral, too.

I learned that sometimes there are things we just have to hand over to God. We can't expect of people what they are just not capable of giving. People, it seems, have a lot to learn about helping at the time of death.

Death can make us all uncomfortable and uneasy. We would rather not attend funerals. Humanly, we would rather run as fast as we can the other direction.

I find PTM to be a great support in my life and encouragement for my spiritual quest.

A. Thanks for writing. My wife had a similar experience recently, when a good friend of my wife's died. Though there were those who were comforting to her in her last days, there were other examples of folks who just didn't seem to know what to do or say. I was not the family pastor, but given unforeseen circumstances, the pastor who was asked to officiate didn't seem fully prepared, and asked me to share the service with him -- which I was glad to do, though I had not come prepared to do so.

Death can make us all uncomfortable and uneasy -- even chaplains and pastors. We would rather not attend funerals. Humanly, we would rather run as fast as we can the other direction. I suspect that some of this gap in compassion and understanding, as well as awkwardness, which you describe, is due to our culture and expectations.

A generation or two ago, especially when more of us lived in rural areas, death was treated (as was birth) as "normal" -- consequently all ages in the family had experiences with birth and death. Today birth and death are clinical, taken out of the home in large part, and confined in special, professional places. I appreciate hospitals and all their expertise, but by way of explanation, many have come to have less personal experience with the beginning and end of life as a result of the growth in medical science.

Ironically, television, movies and novels are preoccupied with death and violence. We entertain ourselves with death, yet we have difficulty when it comes to facing the reality of death in "real life."

I'm going to send you a copy of a new book, just published, titled The Art of Dying -- Living Fully Into the Life to Come by Rob Moll. It's not published or sold by PTM, but we believe it can be helpful in many ways for many people, including those, like yourself, who are grieving the loss of a loved one (As a service to our readers, we include more information about this book below). May God comfort you during this time of loss, our prayers will be with you.

In Christ,
Greg Albrecht

The Art of Dying -- Living Fully Into the Life to Come by Rob Moll offers spiritual hope in the face of our own mortality, as well as offering confidence to help face the death of a loved one. In today's culture death and dying has become like sex in the 19th century -- the great unmentionable. This vital book is urgently needed not only by individuals, but by many churches who fail to help their members die well. The Art of Dying is available through your local bookstore, or through Amazon.com.

RETURN TO PTM WEEKLY UPDATE CONTENTS PAGE Copyright © 2010 Plain Truth Ministries -- Worldwide.