PTM WEEKLY UPDATE -- SEPTEMBER 15, 2008

Why Christians don't pray
What really keeps you from praying? The answers may surprise you.

Brrring! Brrring!

Lenny woke to the harsh sound of his old phone. "Yes. Who is it?"

Seconds later, Lenny was rushing to the hospital to see his daughter who'd been hit by a car. "God please let her be okay. Nothing serious, God, please. And forgive me that I don't pray more often. I will from now on. Just let Sheila be okay." Lenny's dilemma ran deeper than his concern for his child. It was also theological. Maybe if I prayed more, things like this wouldn't happen.

It's easy to think that bad things happen because we don't pray enough -- especially if we've sat under a pulpit that pounds culpability for weak pray-ers. Some would go so far as to interpret tragedy as punishment for prayerlessness, creating a greater tragedy -- that of not knowing God's heart. But whether our prayers could help prevent accidents or not, most Christians would agree that they don't pray as much as they'd like.

If you ask most Christians why they don't pray more, they might answer: "I'm too busy. There's no time." But if you ask an unbeliever why they don't pray, they'd likely tell you they simply don't believe. Yet, when crisis arises, many will utter a prayer of desperation to the "god-they-don't-believe-in" -- just in case. Paradoxically, they'd rather defy their own incredulity and take the gamble that God might exist than risk missing his help. Finding this contradiction curious, I launched an analytical quest to discover what keeps me, and others, from praying. The results surprised me, and rekindled my prayer passion.

Is absence of prayer indicative of what I really believe about prayer? About God? Or about my place as God's co-worker, even his friend? After all, when tragedy hits home, I pray. I have to. Is it possible then that much of the time I don't pray because I don't see the real purpose?

This incongruity of unbelievers praying struck me as key to understanding my own prayer negligence. Could it stem from my belief system? Is absence of prayer indicative of what I really believe about prayer? About God? Or about my place as God's co-worker, even his friend? After all, when tragedy hits home, I pray. I have to. Is it possible then that much of the time I don't pray because I don't see the real purpose? Am I incredulous in this domain, like a subjective atheist?

Unbelief, Subjective Atheism

When we don't fully believe something about God as expressed in his Word, subjective atheism occurs. We believe the Bible but somehow not enough to be changed by it. We see this in our lives when our prayers emanate mostly from dire need, or duty, missing God's purpose and overlooking our privilege to be part of his incredible plan. Ultimately, we believe in prayer enough to cry out in desperation when need be, but we rarely pray for the pleasure of talking to God. Somehow we've seen prayer as a religious rite, missing some fundamentals on why or how prayer works. And, although prayer is an inexhaustible subject, here are some basic biblical concepts which are often misunderstood. Identifying them can help us realign our core beliefs and embrace prayer.

Discouragement About Unanswered Prayers

"God just ignores my prayers," Katie sobbed. "I've prayed and prayed for healing, and I'm still sick."

My heart broke for her. I knew she was really hurting. And I knew she was discouraged because she felt God wasn't listening. But I'm convinced He was. The problem was that he wasn't answering as she'd expected -- and she interpreted that to mean he just plain wasn't answering her.

Disillusionment often stems from our misunderstanding of what prayer should accomplish. In our frailty, or perhaps through bad teaching, we're quick to misinterpret Scriptures such as: "If we ask anything in his name, he will do it" (Jn.14:14). Some presume that God systematically answers prayers punctuated with "In Jesus name, Amen". Bingo! Done deal. When it doesn't happen as we'd hoped, our faith is rattled, unbelief sets in and our prayer impetus is pounded. Discouraged, we find ourselves praying less.

The problem here is that praying in his name is not a magic formula! How we end our prayer does not determine God's answer -- not even ending "in his name" Rather, God's name represents his nature, and praying in his name means praying according to his attributes. As a Christian, I can pray in the authority of that name, not on the basis of my own merit, but if I aspire to use his name to manipulate God to do what I want, I'm in for disappointment. Prayer must include respecting the multi-faceted distinctive of who God is -- holy, just, righteous, merciful, loving, forgiving, sovereign, patient, all-knowing etc. Praying in his name means we recognize these divine qualities, acknowledging that God's will is better than ours because he knows everything. We see this in what we often call the Lord's Prayer.

The prayer begins, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name" immediately evoking God's paternal authority and holiness (Matthew 6:9). Remembering these divine attributes evokes profound reverence, curbing our requests so that we can then pray, "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" (Matthew 6:10). We hereby align ourselves to God's will. The prayer culminates with a proclamation of awe: "For Yours is the kingdom and the power and glory forever. Amen!" (Matthew 6:13). We acknowledge God's supremacy by agreeing that he can do anything, but we must also accept that he will not do something that violates his own integrity or glory. We cannot expect God to accord us answers which oppose his will. If we ask amiss, we will not receive (James 4:3).

God's nature, represented by his name, imposes limits on how he answers prayer. Understanding this helps us better direct our requests toward the bull's-eye of God's will, and encourages us to pray. That is, unless another misconception hinders us.

God Knows All Things -- So Why Pray?

During a stressful season of my life, I found myself submerged by urgent issues concerning suffering children. As I tried to pray over each need I was overwhelmed. Hoping to lighten my load, a friend told me God didn't require my prayers to make things happen, and could achieve His goal without them because he knows all things. This statement had significant repercussions. I stopped praying! Without testing this theory with Scripture, I lulled myself into a false sense of security, let down my guard and lowered my prayer quota. The results were drastic.

I conclude that although God doesn't need anyone's help, being all powerful, he somehow has orchestrated his plan in such a way as to include us in its execution. He wants our participation as friends. And as co-workers. Prayer is a privilege.

Helping the Father Bake Cakes

A friend is someone we love to spend time with. A co-worker is someone we work alongside. God calls us both (John 15:15; 1 Corinthians 3:9). When I began to understand this, it whets my appetite to seek his presence more frequently.

God's plan, for some mysterious reason, includes us. I picture it this way: When my children were small, they loved to help me bake. I didn't need their help, and their efforts certainly didn't improve my not-so-great baking skills. When my husband came home, they'd offer him cookies squealing, "Daddy, look what I made!" Then I'd boast of their wonderful baking skills (See, it's not all my fault the cookies burned!).Truth is, I just loved having them alongside me as my little helpers. I treasured those moments together when they learned from me. I believe it's the same way with God. He doesn't need our help but he loves our company, and he loves teaching us, especially about himself. Prayer is one way he does this.

Let's look at this analogy even more closely. Who benefited greatest from the baking lesson? Certainly not my husband as the cookies still burned. And certainly not me as I ended up with more mess to clear up. Yes, you've caught on. The beneficiaries were in fact my children. The experience increased their overall aptitude and was rewarding. Similarly, God does not need me to pray since he knows all things, but he loves my participation in His plan, and will reward me for it in eternity. I benefit most for cooperating with God. I am the one who is blessed, and better still, I am changed (2 Corinthians 3:18). Alas, I am so often blinded to this truth, convinced that what I do is more important than what I pray.

Mary/Martha Syndrome -- to Do or to Pray.

It always amazes me that in this century, with technological prowess at its highest, we are still too busy. We have everything on hand to simplify life -- cell phones, e-mail, super cars, etc. -- but oddly those things become our major distractions. How often the phone interrupts our praying! Or we glue ourselves to a TV or computer like gluttons for useless information and entertainment. The devastating news we catch disturbs us but fails to bring us to our knees. Instead, we switch off and get busy, sustaining our superficiality. Or, like complacent couch potatoes, we change channels for something more soothing to our comfort zone. We become callous, indifferent or, at best, conveniently ignorant about the call to co-labor with God through prayer. We forget prayer is a privilege given so we can enjoy reaping the treasure of walking alongside him.

Prayerlessness may sometimes prevail because, unlike other activities in our lives, results are rarely instantly gratifying. Doing is easier than praying. So we join the ranks of Martha, busily being busy. Or perhaps prayerlessness stems from purposelessness. We purposely find time for everything else important to us, including many Christian activities, but we ignore prayer. It again probably boils down to belief. If I believe exercise will benefit me enough, I'll schedule it. Likewise, if I believe in prayer, I'll pray. I'll isolate myself from distractions -- which might mean finding that special place that's conducive to prayer (Matthew 6:6). And I'll choose to meet God there often and oftener rejoicing that no prayer is too small for his great ears to hear.

Will We Now Pray

Could Lenny have helped prevent Sheila's accident by praying more? It's hard to know. And speculations may vary according to theological slant. But the old adage should not be disdained: "Prayerlessness is carelessness." Prayer is a privilege in which God invites us to be part of the outworking of his plan. After all, God's plan is to conform us to his image, and one of his greatest tools to implement that is prayer. So, I say "Let's pray!" Let's enjoy talking to our Father. He's all ears.

Janey DeMeo

All Scripture in this article is from the NKJV.

Janey DeMeo is founding director of Orphans First, a non-profit ministry to suffering children worldwide: www.orphansfirst.org. She is also a pastor's wife, speaker, author and freelance writer who has written hundreds of articles and several books. Janey and her family were missionaries to France for 22 years and planted several churches. Now based stateside, they travel to different countries mentoring others in church-planting, evangelizing and working with needy children. Janey's parenting book, Heaven Help Me Raise These Children!, is both a 22 chapter reading book and handbook providing biblical answers to practical parenting issues: www.carepointministry.com (Click on "Parenting").

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