Being Right or Being in Relationship – by Ed Dunn

Friend and Partner Letter from August 2026: 

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).

It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. – William Shakespeare

There is no pastime so engrossing as being in the right. – Sylvia Townsend Warner

You would think I would learn. You would think you could teach a middle-aged dog a new trick or two every now and again. Well into my sixth decade of life, I still seem to make the same mistake. Is it more important to be right, or to be in relationship? This question frames and serves as the introduction to the mistake I continue to make – a mistake that could put at risk some cherished relationships, should I continue to make it.

The work we have the honor and privilege of doing together here at Plain Truth Ministries plays a part in the mistake I make. As you know, our dear Friend and Partner, we are all about teaching All Jesus All the Time. We are all about God’s amazing grace and the freedom we live within and enjoy in Christ Jesus. We teach the importance of sound biblical scholarship and how to read Scripture (in particular, the Old Testament, and the Old Covenant) through the lens of and in the light of Christ Jesus. We encourage all Christ-followers to rest in Christ, to trust fully in Christ and to believe with whole and joyful hearts that his love and grace has finished the work of salvation completely.

We remind all Christ-followers that the world of big business religion can be a slippery slope in terms of what is taught on a weekly basis. Toxic teachings (in Christless religion) are peddled weekly without the listeners feeling any freedom (or necessity) to question what they may be hearing. It is not easy to find a slate full of healthy doctrine and teachings in many institutionalized churches these days.

Somehow, it’s always an odd mix of “grace-but.” And, herein enters my problem – many friends and family members I love have bought into doctrines and teachings I’ve spent years unlearning; years of questioning, exploring and ultimately, rejecting, as I’ve been incredibly favored to come to a healthier way of seeing and knowing God, and God’s grace through his Son, Jesus Christ.

Before I explain the mistake I continue to make, I need to share the question I ask every day: The question is this, why me? Why have I been so incredibly favored with such a taste of grace? Why have I been allowed the pure freedom to question, to explore, and ultimately, to reject harmful doctrines and teachings that run counter to God’s amazing grace?

I am not a trained theologian. I am no one special in terms of my education. How have I come to such a grateful place of experiencing God’s grace? How have I been so blessed as to come to a place of living the freedom in Christ that I do? The truth is, some questions will never be answered for me in this life. Some things I will never know. I just know I can never go back to religious legalism, bad biblical scholarship and a spiritual life that is not centered in Christ Jesus.

As with religious dogma, so too with the media and the toxic propaganda that is served up on a daily basis. We can feel shy to question. We can feel uncomfortable asking, is that so? Whether it be what we hear from our national politicians, civic leaders or other authority figures in our lives, or from what we may read in our favorite newspapers, magazines or other publications, we can feel a real discomfort in asking tough questions.

In my experience, this persistent predicament can be the most prevalent for those who attend big-business churches on a weekly basis. Just as I question what I hear from the news media, I question what I believe to be harmful doctrines and teachings held by many. I believe freedom in Christ makes Christ-followers more comfortable asking questions and engaging in critical thinking.

What can we do when those we love, friends or family, just seem to go with the flow in accepting whatever they hear? What can we do when those closest to us believe things we do not? For me, at these points of tension, I need to remember to ask myself the question, is it more important to be right, or to be in relationship?

If I’m being totally honest, I must confess that being right is often primarily about my ego, and secondarily, about my honest concern for what may or may not be questioned by a loved one. The need to be right (or to change another’s viewpoint) can be a powerful motivation if we are not careful. Without keeping these motivations in check, it can be easy to come across as all-knowing, arrogant and ultimately, off-putting.

As Christ-followers, a more loving and patient approach may be to simply wait for a question. True, it may be a long wait before a question on a sensitive topic may be asked. When Jesus did go on the offense, his example sheds some graceful light on our approach. He often asked those closest to him, how do you see it? Jesus honored those he spoke with, giving them place and space for both their opinion, and the supporting rationale behind their opinion. Jesus knew the importance of being in relationship.

The sound and the fury of the strong opinions we are faced with every day, from any number of sources (Christless religion, news media, family and friends), and the pressure to have an opinion, take a stand and convince others that we are right, can be relentless. Being in the right can be the most engrossing of pastimes.

Being right is an easy trap to fall into. Each time I make the mistake, and fall into the trap, I run the risk of becoming Shakespeare’s idiot. I run the risk of over-valuing being right and under-valuing my relationships.

Although used often in many different relational contexts, the words of James serve as an excellent guide when we wrestle with being right or being in relationship: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Taking a stand and pushing a strong opinion on to others does not lend itself to being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Usually, making this mistake leads to just the opposite. And, it challenges relationships.

Christ in us leads us to ask, how do you see it? What are your thoughts and feelings here? We give place and space for what another may think, even if we disagree. Christ in us matures us, and helps us to be patient and kind. We remember that the freedom we enjoy in him first gave us the space to question, to explore and to choose. By God’s grace we can give up the ever-engrossing pastime of being right, and choose instead, to be in relationship.

In relationship with you, our dear brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus,

Ed Dunn

PS. We share these notes from folks who have been blessed by CWR/PTM, and THANK YOU for your financial support which makes this ministry possible. Please keep helping us help others!

I want to thank you and everyone on the CWR/PTM team. You have assisted me tremendously in my walk away from years of religious indoctrination. – Florida

Thanks so much for your work that encourages us and uplifts us to keep on keeping on. May God continue to bless us all in growing faithfully in Jesus Christ. – Washington

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