Life, Dirt, Dust, Jesus Part 6 – Ken Williams

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Nancy’s and my grandparents cared for our parents. In time our parents cared for us, their children. The years flew by, and we became parents, caring for our children, and can now observe how they parent their children. I’m elderly and I ponder, “What did my parents feel and what did they think of me?” “What did my children feel and what did they think of me?” Our children are middle-aged, and I’ve heard them discussing some of what it was like being a PK. They share some of their feelings about these sad years of their childhood. It comes up occasionally at gatherings by one asking, “Do you remember…?” The stories are humorous in retrospect, but these are not stories about anonymous families. I smile as they retell a story but feel empathy, “what would I have done in their shoes?”

What did Nancy go through? I now consider, “What did Nancy think of me, her husband and father of our children? How did she endure and remain rational? What about now after 53 ½ years of life together?” Tevye and Golde come to mind. He asked, “Yes, but do you love me?!” Nancy and I love each other more than ever, but “Please God, enable me to love Nancy as Jesus loves us, the church.”

Speaking of Tevye and Golde “Sunrise, Sunset” from the Fidler on the Roof, comes to mind.

“(tevye) Is this the little girl I carried, Is this the little boy at play?

(golde) I don’t remember growing older, When did they?

(tevye) When did she get to be a beauty, When did he grow to be so tall?

(golde) Wasn’t it yesterday when they were small?

(men) Sunrise, sunset (x2), Swiftly flow the days.

(everyone) Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers, Blossoming even as we gaze.

(women) Sunrise, sunset (x2), Swiftly fly the years, One season following another, Laiden with happiness and tears…

(tevye) …What words of wisdom can I give them, How can I help to ease their way?

(golde) Now they must learn from one another, Day by day…”

By God’s grace alone, Nancy and I are learning from one another. He knew we wouldn’t receive his healing touch until we were exhausted from self-justification. Turning to Jesus for rest we eagerly accepted Jesus’ eternal rest. We are privileged in wearing Jesus’ easy yoke, bearing his light burden. Participating with him we love our children, our grandchildren and sharing his Love for all others.

Jesus honored his mother and stepfather. They were faulty but deserve respect for accepting the impossible challenge of parenting the Incarnate Son of God. As Jesus matured, he honored and obeyed them. He grew into manhood increased in wisdom, stature, and in favor of God and fellow humans. Nancy honored her parents and grew in wisdom and favor with others. I dishonored my parents when I was a kid and became foolish earning disapproval from others. God and Nancy have helped me to honor my parents. I know now they did their best in caring for me. Now I can appreciate how they loved, housed, fed, and attempted to teach me their life’s lessons. The Holy Spirit has given me gifts of grace to love and honor my memory of them, which they deserve. Impossible! But, by God’s grace I’m freed to honor my parents.

What was I like as a dad? When David was 16, our denomination told me that I was being transferred to another pastorate states away. David was in between his freshman and sophomore years of high school. He told me, “Transfers may be good for pastors and congregations but this sucks!” His friend’s families offered to take care of him until he graduated. I was powerless and simply grieved with him. Thankfully, close to the deadline, he chose to move with his family. God’s abundant grace!

David had more wisdom to share. A month after the move our family was jittery, sensitive, exhausted. David spoke to me in what felt like a dishonoring manner. Nancy, Heather, and Michael were present. I backed him into a wall and told him off, chest thumping with my finger. I asked him what he thought about that. He replied, “Well, it’s hard to think with you in my face, besides your breath stinks.” The whole family witnessed this. I stepped back, speechless, realizing he was right. God’s grace overwhelmed me, remembering what David had accepted and endured. I apologized and said, “You’re right. I’m wrong. You deserve to be treated with respect.” The tension was gone, love and wisdom won.

A couple years ago, David asked me, “You told me you would do anything possible to make amends, right?” I said, “Yes!” He said, “Stop apologizing! I’m a man now and if I have a problem, I’ll let you know. You were not a perfect dad, who is? But I know you did your best and I’m O.K. with that.” I agreed. We are good friends.

More lessons learned from my wife and children coming in “Life, Dirt, Dust, Jesus” VII.

Ken and Nancy Williams served for some 25 years in pastoral ministry, and then almost another 20 years serving and mentoring other pastors.  With the heart of a pastor Ken continues to write and blog from upstate New York where he and Nancy live close to their grandchildren.