Q&R: “Hate” my parents? Literally? – Bradley Jersak

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Question:

Probably the hardest text for me to understand is Jesus’ teaching on the cost of discipleship, written out in Luke 14:25-35. Since Jesus is the front-runner of peace and love, how do we understand his call to ‘hate father and mother’?

It seems to be about clinging on to material things or even relationships over his gospel of peace. Miseo is the word used and most commonly translated as ”to hate” or “detest.” I have read an explanation that the context here may indicate “love less” as in comparison language.

I can understand that, but what I don’t know is how this single use of the word could change the definition. I feel like there is something I am missing with this teaching. Do you have any insight into these tough passages? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Response:

Good to hear from you!

The passage you refer to is very difficult. Not just to understand but to put into practice. In fact, doing so literally would seem to contradict what Jesus says about honoring our parents in other passages and certainly feels misaligned with Jesus’ emphasis on love.

For example:

  • Matthew 15:3–6 Jesus says: “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ … But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, ‘What you would have gained from me is given to God,’ he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.”
  • Mark 7:9–13 Jesus rebukes them: “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’ … But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, ‘Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban (that is, given to God),’ then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition.”

Then what do we make of Jesus’ use of ‘hate’ in Luke 14:25-35? Here are a few principles that may help us avoid watering down what he’s saying just because it’s uncomfortable:

1. Jesus is speaking in hyperbole. Hyperbole is a type of figurative language that uses obviously extreme exaggeration, meant to drive home a point (for emphasis) and/or to evoke an emotional response. Ironically, when we read hyperbole literally (interpreting the genre as intended), we won’t slip into literalism (i.e., taking words at face value and missing the point). When we read hyperbole as intended, we don’t water down the meaning; we unveil its meaning.

2. Jesus is speaking contextually.

a. In this case, we first have cultural context of new converts,where honoring one’s parents can involve such deep attachments and allegiances that following Christ may create a conflict of loyalty. In shame/honor cultures, following Christ (especially as active disciples who traveled with him) might mean leaving the family unit, the family farm, the family business, and the family script. That certainly would have seemed hateful and even traitorous … a father might even think their child went prodigal! Here, Jesus seems to be saying, “Look, don’t just rush into signing up for my mission. Count the cost before you commit. And test your hearts as to whether your relationship to family might even be idolatrous.”

b. This also raises the question of the immediate context of the disciples’ mission. We need to ask ourselves: Is discipleship in this chapter about (i) faith in Christ and following his way wherever you live, or (ii) is Jesus specifically speaking to those who are considering leaving their families behind to join his itinerant mission around Galilee and Judea?

If we read this from either of those possibilities,

(i) the former is about staying true to Christ wherever God leads you—even if your family disowns you (it happens). In that case, I hear Jesus saying, “Remain faithful to your confession even if they deride you for it. Yours is the kingdom of heaven—the experience of abundant life in Christ despite the cost.

(ii) In the latter case, Jesus isn’t talking about who is worthy of “going to heaven when they die.” It could be about working out your vocation. Are you up for the venture of a full commitment to a ministry where there’s a sacrifice to family? (Or not having one?) If that is what will be required, are you qualified? Weigh it out carefully so that your loyalties aren’t divided and you do both poorly.

Those are my initial thoughts anyway. We’d love to hear readers’ comments!

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