Life, Dirt, Dust, Jesus Part 4 – Ken Williams

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What I learned from mom and how I apply her lessons.

Religious Jews criticized Jesus and his disciples for not washing their hands before eating. Jesus exposed their hypocrisy telling them they were dishonoring God with their preposterous religiosity. They created a religion that revealed their cold hearts and greed for money. They washed their hands before eating but justified their lack of support for the people who gave them life. In love, Jesus warned them dishonoring God and their parents meant they would surely die. Their worship of power and money was sucking humanity and life from them.

I don’t want to dishonor my mother while sharing memories with her. I want to share my memories of her in love and respect. Nancy and I cared financially for her in her old age, but I seek Jesus to honor a hurt woman who hurt others.  By age 16 I resented her for hurting me and lacked the grace to forgive and honor her. She said to me, “Ken, you act like you hate me.” I didn’t hate her; I was on guard around her and couldn’t explain why, so I remained silent. I realize now she cared for me the best she could. I was a selfish, angry kid and dishonored her by avoiding her. I was wrong. Christ alone, grace alone, faith alone enabled me to honor my mother financially and lovingly in her old age. It was awkward and imperfect, the best I could do in following Jesus’ example.

March 1945, mom gave birth to me in an East L.A. hospital. Mom and Dad’s twin babies, Johnny and Joel, died September 1943, a year and a half before my birth. Grief piled up on mom’s afflictions, mainly spina bifida, and her extreme mood swing suffered from birth (see Life, Dirt, Dust, Jesus III). Dad worked long hours away from home and kept his feelings to himself when present. We lived in Lynwood California. Dad and Mom may have hoped for better days, but…
 
Fall of 1945 Dad moved us to Kansas to start a new business. A flood destroyed our house, and we were rescued from the roof by boat. We moved back to Lynwood. Mom’s conflict with neighbors resulted in moving to Bell Gardens, then Garvey, followed by a move to East L.A., and then El Monte. We learned the San Bernadino Freeway, U.S. 10, was scheduled to come through our neighborhood so in 1951 we moved to Temple City. I was six. Six years later Mom divorced Dad. I lived with her during school days and with Dad on weekends. Dad moved to East L.A. Mom and I moved to another rental in Temple City. By the time I was sixteen I moved a total of thirteen moves with Mom and Dad. This was painful but by recalling these experiences I can now see what they taught me that have helped me in life.

Mom taught me I was rude when I asked a neighbor what she would get me for my fourth birthday, because “It’s not all about me!” At age four she taught me not to steal. She sent me to a local grocery store to buy apples. A neighbor friend snitched on me for stealing a candy bar. Mom used a peach tree switch on my bare legs. I cried and complained. She cut me. She replied, “Don’t steal!” I didn’t comprehend that I was hurting our neighbor, but I haven’t stolen since.  She refused to allow me to quit Little League because she knew I needed training as a team member. Dad helped me develop my pitching and fielding arm. That helped me become captain of our team. Mom provoked me to get out of the house to get part time summer jobs. One job led to some construction work in the new Dodger’s stadium. Dad taught me to use tools, drive a car and some heavy equipment. Mom was musical, artistic, creative and taught me to think creatively. She made useful things from scraps, like my Halloween costumes made from potato sacks and worn bed sheets.

I learned an unintended lesson of remaining flexible and resourceful when life appears hopeless. I nearly dropped out of school, but my parents valued education and would not let me quit.  Dad and Mom avoided each other so Dad would pick me up, find a streetlight to park under, where we ate dinner while he helped me with math and science.

My parents gave me some valuable life tools my first sixteen years, but I was selfish, dishonoring, and angry. It took years before I could admit I needed Jesus to do for me that which I, and they, could not do for me. He enabled me to forgive and give back to them in their old age. Reconciliation – Priceless!

More to come in “Life, Dirt, Dust, Jesus V.”

Ken and Nancy Williams served for some 25 years in pastoral ministry, and then almost another 20 years serving and mentoring other pastors.  With the heart of a pastor Ken continues to write and blog from upstate New York where he and Nancy live close to their grandchildren.